Tag Archives: Vincent D’Onofrio

December: The Month of Dieter

December could only be named for Hans-Dieter Flick and it’s quite fitting that I start writing this post now because on the day I started writing it there was a new video of Hansi posted on the DFB site. It’s also fitting in the sense December is the month you get gifts in and he and Jogi have certainly been the source of many gifts this past year. And now Matze too of course. In fact at the moment I have more Matze chapters in progress than Jogi or Hansi ones. He’s proving to be quite the little character.

Despite the month being named for Hansi it’s not exactly my favourite time of year. I’ve never been a fan of Christmas and I’m still not. But I did have a little fun this year, the Bundesliga took care of that because on TV Christmas morning was a repeat of Freiburg’s 6-3 opening night win against 1.FC Nürnberg. Seeing it again didn’t take the sting out of losing the reverse of the fixture two weeks before Christmas but it was still a lot of fun.

The only gift I really wanted for Christmas this year was for Freiburg to be autumn champions, they just missed out on that honour with RB Leipzig in pole position instead. It would have been nice but it is ultimately meaningless, what counts is where they are four months from now. That’s all that counts. At least they did get to start and end the month with a win, two routine victories in both cases. First a 3-0 win against 1.FC Union Berlin and then against 1860 München.

As things stand the gifts I did get turned out to be quite nice. A few books including the kicker Almanach which has almost all the German related football stats you could dream of. A most useful gift. I also got two DFB calendars, two Dortmund programs one with Thomas Tuchel on the front and one with Matze Ginter on there. Plus some Matze Ginter cards. The real highlight however for me was the wrapping paper. I love all my gifts but I love the wrapping paper the most. Three kinds this year, Freiburg, Dortmund and the by now traditional Jogi & Hansi paper:

IMG_20160111_182837IMG_20160111_183337IMG_20160111_183434IMG_20160111_182926Matthias Ginter - SC Freiburg 2011-12 signed card Matthias Ginter - SC Freiburg 2012-13 signed card Matthias Ginter - Borussia Dortmund cardAs I expected it was a rather strange month, even more so than usual. For one thing I watched thirteen films. Nothing I watched could beat the first film of the month which was The Secret in their Eyes. Every time I watch it I just fall in love with it a little bit more. It gets more perfect every time I watch it. I also saw a very odd filmed named Stuart Saves his Family late one night when I couldn’t sleep. I watched it purely because Vincent D’Onofrio was in it but it ended up being quite an interesting film and certainly gave me something to think about.

I’m not sure I’d say I liked the main character Stuart, in fact I’m not even sure I enjoyed the film but it did intrigue me. So much so I drafted a post in relation to some of the themes it covered. Gist of it is Stuart is a little addicted to self help groups and is a little overbearing. When you meet his family you understand why. He has his own TV show which is not at all popular and when it gets cancelled his life falls apart. In between dealing with the dramatics of his family he gets another chance at a similar endeavor. The second time round it works out. And it’s partly because of what he learned from his family that it does. Eventually he realises that you can only help someone up to a certain point, if they don’t want your help or are unable to recognise they need help then there’s not a lot more you can do. Sometimes when it comes to your family you have to just accept them as they are and stop trying to fix them all the time. Which is what Stuart does, he’s always trying to fix things. Sometimes you just have to play the hand you’ve been dealt. His motto is “Progress not perfection.”

This is what I meant to entitle the post but as I mentioned I’d been up late when I watched the film, thus it was even later when I drafted that post and as a result I ended up typing “Perfection not Perfect.” It amuses me but I’m not sure why, perhaps because I’m so much of a perfectionist that I couldn’t even contemplate typing the real title and accepting that something could be anything less than perfect.

At the cinema I saw Star Wars which I have absolutely nothing to say about, a disappointing Christmas film called The Night Before which I only went to see because Michael Shannon was in it (he was terrific, as always) and Black Mass which was the true story of Boston gangster Whitey Bulger. I know the film got quite mixed reviews but I quite enjoyed it. It was certainly a passable film for an evening at the cinema anyhow.

Other than that I revisited some old favourites. In the spirit of Christmas tradition I watched one of my favourite James Bond films Goldeneye. I also watched Ratatouille which is surprisingly moving for what is essentially an animated film for kids. The scene where the restaurant critic is served  the dish ratatouille and it takes him back to his childhood memories always makes me cry.  On the subject of childhood memories I also watched Toy Story and Toy Story 2. I’ve seen them at least twenty times each but I’ve only watched the third one twice, and I never watch them as a trilogy. It’s not because I don’t think it’s a good film or because I don’t like it. I think it’s more because in the third one Andy grows up and gives his toys away, I’m not good at accepting change of any kind. I think it bothers me that Andy grows up and gives away his toys. That’s the whole point of the film, about moving on, accepting changes, starting a new chapter in your life and all that. Except it’s quite so cut and dried for me. There is no clear delineation between chapters because the events which normally mark the beginning or end of a chapter aren’t happening for me that way.

Book wise it wasn’t a good month, I know I read The Book Thief but I can’t recall what else I read. I certainly hope I did read another book and I just can’t remember because if I really did read just the one then that’s a new low for me. On the other hand reading The Book Thief was extremely important. I did so to test a theory, to see if I still loved it as much and whether or not the plot hole bothers me. I’m happy to say it doesn’t, that I’ve fallen back in love with it. Though I don’t think I ever stopped loving it. I like to think of it like this, no person is perfect, everyone has their quirks and annoying habits but when you love someone it doesn’t matter. So why should a book be perfect.

It’s like two of my favourite games Mass Effect and Assassin’s Creed. Neither of them are 100% perfect but I love the first one in the series for both way more than the others. Because for me the other games don’t have the same feel to them, they don’t have the same kind of charm. I don’t care that Assassin’s Creed is a lot more repetitive than AC2. I love the setting, the characters and everything about it. I know the flag missions annoy some people but I actually quite liked them. I’m not saying there’s nothing good about AC2, there is and I did enjoy playing it. I must have done since I’ve completed it three times. But it just doesn’t conjure up the same kind of feelings and excitement that the first one does. Same with Mass Effect. It’s why I’ve played through Mass Effect at least six times and why I haven’t done the same for Mass Effect 2. Though I have to admit part of the reason I don’t love Mass Effect 2 is because I’m still annoyed at not being able to have Kaidan in my squad. I was doubly annoyed because on my play-through with the female version of Shepherd he was my love interest. I really missed Kaidan and as much as I like Garrus, I would have preferred having Kaidan back.

Back to the topic at hand reading The Book Thief again was important for another reason, I found out just why I like it so much. That it’s not because the book is narrated by death or because it’s set in Nazi Germany. The person who recommended I read it told me just those two facts about it. As if that’s all I needed to know. They weren’t wrong, the first part alone would have made me read it. But reading it again lead me to think of it a little differently, a little deeper. Only this time around did I think about what I have in common with the book thief Liesel. I didn’t have many books when I was a child, though to be fair no matter how many I owned I wouldn’t have thought it enough. The books I did own I treasured. As much as I loved my Playstation and my Gameboy it certainly wasn’t as much as those books. And considering my Gameboy was like an extension of my right hand during my Pokemon phase, I mean  a lot. In fact I still have most of them in storage. But it’s not just about the books.

It’s about the words, about being able to tell your own stories. Unless you can read and write you can’t do that. When we meet Liesel for the first time she can’t read or write. It’s her foster father who teaches her to read. But that would never have happened if her brother hadn’t died, if she hadn’t stolen the book from a careless grave digging apprentice who dropped it and didn’t realise. And if the war didn’t happen she may never have met her Papa Hans who taught her how to read. She never would have met Max who helped her realise just how important words can be.

I didn’t have that problem, I taught myself to read before I started school. I’ve loved books for as long as I can remember. And I think sometimes I take them for granted, not just the books but the written word in general. Not only being able to read but being able to write my own adventures. Just like some people overestimate the importance of being able to read and write so I underestimate it. Because whilst those people are wrong, whilst they are over simplifying the issues, words do matter, they do help. Because as I’m coming to realise when it comes down to it they are all I really have. At least words of the written variety anyway. Because when it comes down to it a lot of the time it’s the only way I can reliably express myself. For someone who talks a lot I actually say very little. That is whilst I can talk about my special interests until I tire myself out I can’t talk about what’s bothering me. I can’t explain what’s going on in my head. For that I need the written word. I need my stories and my characters. Without them I can’t make sense of anything.

As well as being a quiet month book wise so it was in terms of collectibles as well, obviously with it being Christmas I didn’t have as much spare cash as I would have liked. That didn’t stop me from purchasing one very important item however, something I’ve dreaming about getting since last year. The item in question is one of the newer DFB polo-shirts, the ones for the Euro qualifiers. It’s not a blue one like I wanted but the white one is quite nice too. The other small notable items I got include two signed Match Attax cards, one of Roman Bürki and the other of Vincenzo Grifo, a card signed by Joachim Löw and a signed Nils Petersen Bremen photo:

IMG_20151211_171831IMG_20151211_171922Roman Bürki – signed Freiburg Match Attax cardVincenzo Grifo - signed Hoffenheim Match Attax cardJoachim Löw – signed Eintracht Frankfurt cardNils Petersen signed Bremen photo

Rua Alguem 5555: My Father Josef Mengele

When people think about victims of the Nazi regime their thoughts will naturally first go the people who were persecuted and murdered by the regime, and maybe their descendants. Most people wouldn’t give a second thought to the children of the perpetrators of such atrocities and how they are too in a way victims. The story of Rua Alguem is complete fiction insofar as Mengele did not have two sons; the son who is the main character in the film does not exist. Nevertheless, the points the film raises about children having to answer for the crimes of their parents are valid ones.

Hermann is not a Nazi, he’s just a regular human being, his only crime is who is father is. The people outside the hotel who attack him cannot see the irony of their behaviour. They are attacking him for something he cannot help; he is being made to suffer for his father’s crimes. Not unlike how they were persecuted for something they could not help. You would think they would be the last people on earth to do such a thing.

How is it that a film about Josef Mengele’s (fictional) son can end up having such an emotional impact on you, as much as any Holocaust film?

And it’s not just because its Thomas Kretschmann is the lead character. It’s such a solidly written and directed film that not even having Charlton Heston as Mengele detracts from the quality of the film. It opens with a very powerful scene and doesn’t let up from there. It opens with a sense of mystery; you don’t yet know who he is or why he’s there. He’s obviously moved by the place as most people would be, If you didn’t know what the film was about and who he was, the scene with the group of Jewish children might be seen from a different perspective. If you didn’t know who his father was. From his emotional reaction you know he’s not a Nazi, from looks alone, he looks like a stereotypical German, an Aryan, a SS man Himmler or Heydrich would have approved of. As he approaches the children, you can almost see him thinking, “Do they know? It feels as if they do know, just from seeing him. It’s unbearably tense. As are the scenes with his father, the attempts to extract a confession, the police station, and the gun and of course the hotel at the end.

It’s a work of brilliance that they managed to tell such a story in a fair and balanced way, not just that but that they actually manage to evoke sympathy for Hermann and for the protestors outside (Holocaust survivors included) to be portrayed as being in the wrong. It’s a shame that it’s so hard to obtain (I had to get my copy from the Czech Republic), it truly deserves to be seen and even though it’s not technically a Holocaust film as such, it should be on any list of best films related to the topic. It’s not only one of the best Thomas Kretschmann films I’ve seen (note films, not parts) along with Stalingrad and The Stendhal Syndrome, but one of the most gut wrenching films I’ve ever seen. It’s a rare film that provokes such a strong emotional reaction in me. It joins such rarities as Das Leben der Anderen, Der Tunnel, Das Boot, Any Day Now, Der Untergang, Frankenstein, Stalingrad, The Big Blue, Senna, Goodbye Lenin, Nebraska and not a film, but deserves to be mentioned with all of these, Generation War.

It should be watched by anyone who doubts Thomas Kretschmann’s talents as an actor. It’s just a shame that he doesn’t get more parts like this, his choices of late have been extremely disappointing in comparison to some of his earlier roles. How unfortunate that he does so many typical and straightforward Hollywood villian type roles and doesn’t find a balance between those and parts such as this, like Vincent D’Onofrio has managed to do. Not saying that they belong in the same sentence of course, they don’t even belong in the same league. D’Onofrio is Bundesliga material whereas Kretschmann compared to him is third division at best.

They will only ever be characters

“There is no base layer, there is nothing without the special interest. It’s not just the center of the universe, it’s the center of me and when I don’t have a special interest it’s like I don’t even exist. There’s nothing for my world to revolve around, there’s nothing to anchor me. You can’t win with special interests, when I do have one I sometimes despair over the pointlessness of it all and how much money and time I devote to it. And when I don’t have one I despair over the fact that I don’t and wonder when the next one will come along and what it will be.”

The above is from “Autism unmasked”, I gave to someone to read and they asked if I really did despair over my special interests. The answer is yes, I really do. It’s interesting to me that it all looks so logical and planned to you, that it seems as if I don’t abandon one interest until I have another one to go to. I assure you, it looks a lot more organised than it is in reality.

They answered their own question without even knowing it, the reason for the despair is not only because of the reasons mentioned above, but because as they put it “they will only ever be characters.” This was their reply to what was obviously my failed attempt to explain the difference between my fascination with Jogi Löw and someone like say Vincent D’Onofrio (where the character was the focus of the obsession and not the actual person). My point was that with Jogi Löw there is no character, I have a blank slate, everything has to be built from scratch, I can create anything I want to.

It’s different somehow, the interest has greater flexibilty because of that fact. You aren’t locked into one universe or one set of stories. You are only limited in fact by your story telling abilties.

Despite the increased flexbility you have in this sense, nothing will alter the fact that nothing will ever be real, that the alternate worlds I build are the only things that feel real and they are the ones that will never become a reality. To me it seems like that’s the only way I can not just express any feelings but the only place where I have any feelings. As if the only way I can relate to people is when they aren’t really real. Or to put it another way, the only way I can relate to people or show my appreciation of them is by building up a collection.

It makes sense now, the source of misery isn’t that which every universe is in favour at the moment will never be real, it’s that this one will never feel as real as they do. Also that I’ll never have the same enthusiasm for real people as I do for them, I’ll never feel as attached to a person in real life as I do to any of my collections. Do I even really want that, or is it just that I think I should want that? This self awareness stuff is exhausting, I almost wish I could go back to before, to not knowing anything about any of this.

I think this is connected, but I’m not sure exactly why, how do you know if you miss someone? If you don’t think about someone, does that mean you don’t miss them or that they aren’t important to you? What if you only think about them if you’re worrying you did something wrong? If you never daydream about them, wonder how their week is going, if you don’t register their existence until they e-mail you? What kind of person does it make you when there’s no room in your head for anything other than your special interest?

On a similar subject, someone once said to me, “if someone is important to you then you find room for them.” I can’t find any room, there is nothing I can sacrifice, there’s no space. My interests and other worlds take up all available space and in comparison to people they can be trusted a little more. They never send me confusing e-mails or fail to make themselves clear or find it funny when I get things wrong socially.

To bring Roman into it, I know I missed him tonight because Mitchell Langerrak started in goal instead of him and I was thinking about him all afternoon before the game. Though I will have a nice picture of him on the bench, all wrapped up and looking sweet in a winter hat.

To come back to reality, in real life I won’t have a seen a particular person for more than three weeks, they aren’t happy with this state of affairs, I’m fine with it. Is that ok? That I’m not bothered at all to not have seen them for so long, even though they are bothered by it?

There are disadvantages to both options, to trying to have friends in the real world and with so called “characters.” I guess the question is, do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Either you’ll have a reminder of the fact that you can’t connect with people as you should be able to, but with the non-reality based option, it’s not quite so painful, not such a direct reminder.

I suspect a lot of this is just random rambling, if they hadn’t had said that about characters, I wouldn’t even be thinking so much about any of this.

To finish with Jogi, he’s going to be playing in a charity match for an event set up by Sami Khedira. That’s really cool, though I doubt I’ll be lucky enough to see the game online. It’s funny because just last week someone was asking me if I had any videos of Jogi playing, I don’t have any such videos. They then commented that it would be great to see him play in a charity match or something similar. I guess sometimes wishes do come true.