Normally this would be the kind of prompt which is tailor made for me, after all I always have plenty of good dreams to write about. Not lately though, the past few days I’ve had more nightmares than anything else. Even when it has been football related it’s not been good and not involving one of my favourite Germans. The last one I remember involved Jürgen Klopp and getting yelled at by his psychotic friend in a disagreement of some kind about terrorism. The last one before that which I actually remember details of involved among others Andre Schürrle and Julian Draxler. The latter’s presence is especially amusing because I just stocked up on some fan-fiction to read and one of the pairings is him, Matze Ginter and Erik Durm.
The nightmares have involved being chased, accused of betraying people I care about and of abandoning someone. No gunmen or assassins yet, so I suppose that’s something. Nevertheless it hasn’t been any fun these past few days. And thanks to Microsoft my waking hours have almost been as nightmarish as my time asleep. I was determined that this week would get off to a better start than last week. Back then I almost lost all my word files and had to fix a whole set of other technical problems. This week didn’t get off to much of a better start, Windows 10 decided to install itself on my laptop against my will. I’ve spent most of this afternoon trying to fix it. I knew how to fix it, only problem was my laptop kept freezing up which made it a painfully slow process. All of this almost resulted in me missing Frankfurt’s game too, though luckily that didn’t happen. I had to resort to watching it on my old laptop. It’s not perfect but at least I didn’t miss the game. Now peace is restored in the universe, I’ve gone back to Windows 8 and it’s what I’m going to stick with. I’ve been looking at new laptops, not for now but for later in the year. I’m going to have pay a little extra to avoid having one which comes with Windows 10 but it’ll be worth it. In fact it’s worth it just for the principle. Your program must really suck if the only way you can get people to take it is tricking them into doing so.
As for the game it hasn’t been one of those which you absolutely have to watch, it’s been nothing of the sort. But Eintracht Frankfurt got their goal, their Bundesliga status is secure and 1.FCN won’t be joining Freiburg and Leipzig in the top flight. I’m relieved, not least because had Frankfurt lost then Niko Kovac would be out of a job. I don’t know if he’s going to stay but at least there’s a chance now. It’s great, now Freiburg get to visit Frankfurt once again. Maybe Petersen can put another couple of goals past them to go with his hat-trick from the previous season.
I’m done being angry about this afternoon’s events, I meant it when I said I want this week to get off to a better start. I’m not going to hit anything again, not my keyboard and not my laptop. I’m going to do the best I can to straighten things out sleep wise for the rest of the week. Being wound up is not going to help with that. Letting things go is not the easy for me but it’s what needs to be done. One day does not have to ruin the rest of the week. And this week is going to be fun, the team meet up tomorrow for the international break. Matze’s not in the squad but at least all my other favourite players are. Today has been far from a dream but I got something in the post which is most definitely dreamy:
I haven’t written anything for the past few days, I’ve had ideas but every time I actually sit down to get started nothing happens. I decided to write something today because I’m worried I might get out of the habit. Taking a break from something is not necessarily a bad thing but with the way I feel it wouldn’t be a good idea. At the moment if I stop doing something then it’s very difficult to get back to it. I take any excuse to get out of something and then can’t get used to it again. Other than writing top of the list is being around other people. I can’t say I’m lonely because I have no idea how I feel or what I want. None of it makes any sense to me but then when do feelings ever make sense. I’m sure I’m putting too much thought into the matter. It’s a bad habit of mine. Self reflection can be a good thing but like everything else I take it to the extreme. Surely there’s a balance to be found between my obsessive over analysing and not thinking about or dealing with reality at all. If there is I haven’t found that equilibrium yet.
On the matter of thinking too much I wasn’t quite sure what pensive meant so I looked it up in the dictionary, only I didn’t find the definition there helpful so I googled it instead. I shouldn’t have done that because doing so created another thing for me to overthink. There’s so many different definitions and so many of them say different things. So how do I know which one of them is right? It made me think, how many other words are there that you use but don’t really know what they mean? Sometimes the entire English language feels that way, as if I don’t know what I’m saying, just that it’s the right thing to say. All this because I wasn’t sure what a word meant. At least it’s not as bad as yesterday. I went to see a film called Our Kind of Traitor and I really wish I hadn’t bothered. I didn’t enjoy the film and I now hate the sight of Ewan McGregor, plus it made me dislike Stellan Skarsgard which is not a good thing at all. What bothered me the most is the fact halfway through the film I started thinking about what the point of being there was. What was the point of seeing a film which just reminded me of several other films. Why bother watching films at all. Such thoughts of course led to me thinking why bother doing anything. I wasn’t in such a bad mood when I went out so I don’t know exactly where all those thoughts came from. At least if you cry at the cinema no-one bothers you and it was a film which had some sad moments too so I had a good excuse.
I can’t solve that mystery right now but at least I’ve written something today anyway, so the day’s not a total write off. Though even if I hadn’t done it wouldn’t have been anyway. No matter what else happened today could not have been a bad day, not when I got the all so special addition to my collection. Is it crazy? Beyond any doubt. Could the money have been better spent? Absolutely. But no amount of logic was going to stop me from getting this collectible. Getting it doesn’t fix everything, the happiness it provides will be short-lived, I know that. But I don’t want to think too deeply about it, that always leads to trouble. Right now I just want to enjoy how happy I am at getting this wonderfully awesome addition to my collection and to look forward to the DFB Pokal final which is on Saturday night. I would say I’ve crossed a line by buying a shirt actually worn by Jogi Löw but then I did that a long time ago. About eleven months ago to be exact. Back then I obtained a training shirt which once belonged to Hansi Flick. So in the words of Joey from Friends “Over the line, you’re so far over the line you can’t even see the line. The line is a dot to you.” I said a while ago when I bought my first white shirt that I wasn’t that kind of obsessive, making it clear that it was a shirt like Jogi’s, not actually his. This time however it really is his. So I guess I was wrong about that. I suppose there’s little difference between this and buying a Ginter match-worn football shirt. I mean it’s not like I’d ever get such a thing of Jogi’s so I guess this is the next best thing. Or maybe that’s just my attempt at rationalizing what is obviously a crazy addition, even for me. Either way, who cares. There’s not a lot which makes me happy in life, even if it’s only temporary I’ll take it. I think actually this is all there may be, this is what life is. Real life makes me unhappy or something goes wrong, then I get a new collectible or see a great match and then forget all about reality for a while.
It’s not the only collectible I’ve gotten recently, the other one is a great deal smaller but no less important. No matter how bad I felt yesterday I could not fail to be cheered up by this. Finally I got my very own Lego Man Jogi. I still can’t stop thinking how they missed an opportunity, Lego Man Hansi would have been brilliant. Him and Jogi standing side by side, just like it should always be, even in Lego form. As things stand there is of course no Lego figure of Hansi but then there’s not one of Schneider either which I’m naturally grateful for. Instead Jogi is standing next to Manuel Neuer. It bugs me that they’re all the same height, Manuel Neuer is way taller than everyone else but not in Lego form. I’m overthinking this I know but then what else is new.
Today has all in all been a very strange day, obviously it’s an improvement on last year because today I had nothing to worry about as far as Freiburg are concerned. But I thought I would enjoy seeing Hannover getting relegated a lot more than I actually did. Either I overestimated how much fun it was going to be or I underestimated how much I cared about it. I’m pretty good at holding a grudge but it seems I’ve moved past this. I guess time really does make a difference, as does the fact Freiburg have already secured their return to the Bundesliga. With Bremen surviving it means I get my wish, I’ll get to see Nils Petersen return there in a Freiburg shirt. But getting revenge on Stuttgart for that 4-1 defeat last year will have to wait. I feel very conflicted about seeing them get relegated, not because I feel sorry for them, just because they’re Jogi’s team. It’s strange, technically Stuttgart have been relegated twice today, not only did they get relegated from the Bundesliga but their second team also got relegated from the 3.Liga. It’s even stranger because I was both rooting for them to win and lose, I needed them to lose in the Bundesliga but win in the 3.Liga. The latter would have been good for Cottbus, their direct relegation rival Wiesbaden needed to lose to Stuttgart II. Random fact the last and only time in fact Stuttgart were relegated was 41 years ago, that means the last time they were relegated Jogi Löw would have been 15 years old. Now that is kind of a weird thought.
Though getting a revenge of sorts as regards Hannover is marred by something else as well. Before watching Bayern’s game I made the mistake of watching Energie Cottbus in the 3.Liga play their final game. They had to beat Mainz II in order to stay in the league and they almost did that. Sometimes football is very cruel, they went up 2-1 in the 78th minute. That would have meant they were safe, but just 10 minutes later Mainz scored their third and winning goal. In a quirk of fate in the 88th minute that’s when Bremen scored the winner against Eintracht Frankfurt too. The reason I cared about Cottbus’ fate is because Nils Petersen used to play for them, in fact it’s because of them he got his shot in the Bundesliga. In the 2010-11 season he was not only their top-scorer but the league’s top scorer with 25 goals in 33 games. I really could have done without seeing a team I liked get relegated today. Eintracht Frankfurt aren’t safe either, losing puts them in the play-off spot. They play 1.FC Nürnberg next week, strange, Jogi’s team vs Andreas’ team. Funnily enough Jogi had a team in the play-offs last year too, though on the right side of it. Not in the sense they won, in the sense KSC were trying to achieve promotion rather than save themselves from relegation. It’s even funnier because Jogi was at the second leg of the game which HSV so cruelly won, funny because he was there with none other than Andreas Köpke. Despite the disappointment of what happened to Cottbus there is one moment which I did greatly enjoy today. It’s odd that I’m so happy about a goal being scored against Roman Bürki but when it’s as cool as Jojic’s goal you can’t help but like it:
The season isn’t quite over yet, there’s still one more day to go with the final matches of the 2.B being played tomorrow, Freiburg will be visiting Union Berlin. There’s one other thing to look forward to, Jogi’s press conference to announce the squad for the Euros. I have no worries on that count, all my favourites are guaranteed a spot. A much as I’m looking forward to the press conference I still can’t muster a great deal of enthusiasm for the tournament itself. Dread is my predominant feeling in relation to the matter. I wish I could fast-forward through all of it to mid August when the Supercup final will be held and the start of the season won’t be far off. I never thought I’d be wishing a tournament away rather than looking forward to it. Right now I have more enthusiasm for the sticker album than I do the real thing.
On the subject of stickers I’ve opening and sorting through quite a few of them, with there being no afternoon game I had some time to fill and because of how strange everything felt I needed a distraction. I started a new album towards the end of last season so I thought I’d continue the tradition. I got quite a few stickers which are quite amusing and very relevant to today’s events. First of all was Bayern keeper Sven Ulreich who I’m no fan of so I won’t put his sticker here, I like him even less because he made his first Bundesliga appearance for Bayern today, replacing Neuer in the 51st minute. About fifteen minutes later he conceded a goal, I may not be feeling quite so vengeful about Hannover but that doesn’t mean I want to see them scoring any goals. The next amusing sticker was Felix Klaus. Seeing his sticker made me realise how much I didn’t care about enjoying seeing Hannover getting relegated. He’s been relegated three times in a row now, first with Greuther Fürth, then with Freiburg and now with Hannover. It’s not the fact he left Freiburg which upset me so much, it’s where he went. But I can honestly say I don’t care anymore. The third special sticker was Andre Schürrle, special because he scored against Stuttgart today. The three Hansi related ones however are the best of the lot:
Depending on what you read you’re told that this generation has it better or worse than the previous one and there’s usually a lot of doomsayers ready to point out why the next generation is screwed. But then I bet all of that is true of every generation. All the time I read about people my age who can’t leave home because it’s impossible to move out on their minuscule wages and all the rest of it, how they have a worse standard of living than their parents. But none of that is really relevant to me. Simply because most of the things people my age are doing I’m not, at least not yet anyway. A lot of those things I can’t yet do and some of them may never happen for me. So I don’t have to worry about the cost of moving out, or the expense of a car or the difficulties of finding work.
Though I wouldn’t mind having that last one to worry about. Wherever I end up living and with who I would really like to have something to do with my time. Even just a part-time job would be great. It sounds like fun being able to do whatever you want and having all your time to yourself but it has it’s downsides. Problem is the kind of things I can do don’t seem to be there anymore. The sort of jobs I would have been not only able to do but actually happy doing just don’t exist anymore. Everything these days seems to rely on social skills in some way. And even if it’s not a job in which social skills feature heavily you still have to convince them to hire you. I’d love to know the answer to that question, to how I can stop making other people feel uncomfortable. I be myself and it’s wrong, I pretend to be normal as best I can and it’s still wrong. Hiding away seems the best option sometimes.
All of this is all so depressing, it wasn’t my intention to write about such things today. Then I made the mistake of reading the news, just one article but it’s one I really shouldn’t have read. Another proposal from the government as to how screw disabled people over, because they just didn’t take enough. They want to make life even harder. At the same time they preach about everyone needing to work they take away support which enables disabled people to do that. They make it harder to get to work and to live at all really. It seems they don’t want you to work, to get an education or to live any kind of life which is worth living. Like I said, it’s depressing. In theory this generation of disabled people should have it better and somewhat easier than previous ones. After all there’s disability specific legislation which is meant to protect against discrimination, more awareness and knowledge, better access to education and to other opportunities. Yet in a lot of ways it seems to all be going backwards.
If I write anymore on the matter it’s going to ruin what’s left of may day so I’m going to stop there. No wonder I’d rather lose myself in stories, stickers and football when real life is so depressing. And to think earlier I was giving thought to whether I should stop hiding away and start getting back to reality a little more. I don’t think so, I think I’ll stay right where I am for the moment. Before reading that article today was a good day, not in terms of sleep or of getting anything done. But it’s had it’s good points, like getting two old Dortmund games for my collection and my YouTube channel getting one million views. Or to be precise 1,007,040. That’s where it’s at right now, I like the fact there’s both a four and a seven in there. As for the best thing of all today and the real reason I won’t let anything ruin the day, my latest crazy addition to my collection. The Jogi advertising board finally came. The picture doesn’t show all of it, it’s actually composed of three panels not two. But I had to fold out Mats Hummels. It’s not because I’m mad at him for leaving Dortmund for Bayern, I couldn’t care less about that. I never liked him that much to begin with so I’m happy I can fold him out, I would hate to wake up everyday and see him there. It’s crazy I know but I’m happy, so who cares.
In this heat I have no intention of taking a stroll anywhere. I’m not a big fan of summer. The only thing I like about it is that international tournaments are held during the summer, though I’m not particularly looking forward to this years. But today none of that matters, this is not a Jogi day or a “die Mannschaft” day. No, today belongs to Freiburg and to them alone. Today they celebrate not only their return to the Bundesliga but their status as champions of the division. And it just had to be Florian Niederlechner who scored the goals against his old team Heidenheim. Double joker today because the goals were scored and created by two substitutes, providing the assist for both was Lucas Hufnagel who himself scored a very important joker goal against Bielefeld earlier in the season.
Florian Niederlechner’s goals:
The summer is far from over, there’s still the DFB Pokal final and the Euros of course but as far as I’m concerned I have the thing I wanted the most. I’d like to see Dortmund and Matze beat Bayern in the final but that would just be an added bonus. All that matters to me is Freiburg back in the Bundesliga, Dortmund coming to the Schwarzwald Stadion again, more importantly Matze going there.
Seeing all the celebrations after the game was wonderful but there’s one thing above all that I found amusing. That was Christian Streich going back to the team after his interview. Him celebrating by himself as he made his way back over there and the commentator saying that he’s a very special man. Indeed he is and I just had to make a GIF of that moment. To me it sums up why Freiburg. Like Christian Streich they march to their own tune:
Also amusing was Vincenzo Grifo wandering around bare-footed having given his boots to a fan. That is one lucky person, I hope they appreciate what they’ve been gifted, a pair of boots from a true artist.
After celebrating I’m going back to my second play-through of Mass Effect 3, it’s way too warm to do anything else. I have stuff to do but it can wait till tomorrow. Ironic that part of having a lazy day is saving the galaxy, but to be honest I don’t really care about that. I don’t even like Mass Effect 3 that much, the main reason I’m playing it again is so I can make my character Thomas fall in love with Kaidan. But before that it’s party time, well a real party for them, more of a virtual one for me:
Posted in Fußball, Germany, SC Freiburg, The Daily Prompt, Video games
Tagged Alexander Schwolow, Christian Streich, Florian Niederlechner, Football, Kaidan Alenko, Mass Effect 3, Nils Petersen, SC Freiburg, Vincenzo Grifo
The main thing I was hoping that would happen this week is now an impossibility because Bayern were knocked out on Tuesday night and Man City lost to Real Madrid earlier tonight. It would have been all so perfect and not just because it would have seen Pep Guardiola going up against his new club. I was thinking of a it a little differently, what I found so amusing about the prospect of Bayern reaching the final is related to where it’s being held. This year’s final is being held in Italy so it would have been perfect for a German team to be there. A few months ago Germany beat Italy for the first time in 21 years and it happens to be the year the Champions League final is being held in Italy. Not to mention the fact that last year the final was in Berlin and Juventus an Italian team were the runners-up. Now it’s an all Spanish affair, whichever way it goes the trophy will be going to Madrid. There is at least a German still in the competition in the form of Toni Kroos for Real Madrid.
Despite the disappointment the week and indeed the night is not a total loss, not least because I got not one but two Jogi interviews. But the reason the week is not lost is an even better reason. Today I got the new DFB album and 50 packs of cards. So far I’ve got three of Jogi, two of Matze and Manuel. And I hate to say it, two of Schneider as well.
Football aside my biggest hope for this week is avoiding doing anything else particularly stupid between now and the end of the week. I already have all my stupid planned for the rest of the week, one more insane obsession related decision which I’ve committed to. It’s absurd enough to fill my stupid quotient for the week, enough for the month really but I can’t say no, not to the possibility of such a unique addition to my collection. Speaking of collections there’s one other thing I’m hoping for, the safe arrival of my Jogi advertising board. I keep obsessively checking the tracking status of it. I don’t know why because it hasn’t changed in the last 24 hours. But it’s freaking me out, the updates are not helpful at all. It went from telling me it’s on it’s way to saying “it hasn’t arrived yet.” It’s really freaking me out because both updates show the same location, how can it be on it’s way and then not have arrived. I can’t bear to think they may have lost it, surely it has to be a glitch of some kind. And it has to be the one courier company that is renowned for not being able to speak to an actual human being. Last time I dealt with them it was a shipment of German food they failed to deliver, it did eventually show up but had it not done I could have gotten over that. This on the other hand is a one of a kind collectible, not the kind of thing you get over. I know I shouldn’t be thinking so negatively but that is easier said than done.
I would say common sense is the latest thing to have abandoned me but that wouldn’t be strictly true because I’m not sure I had any to begin with. Worst thing of all is I have no-one to blame but myself. I can’t blame the excitement of Freiburg winning promotion or the excitement of seeing Civil War at midnight. Neither can I blame being tired from that midnight screening and not getting much sleep that night because my first bid was placed before all of that happened. Which means I have only my own stupidity to blame. I can’t answer the valid questions posed to me by my mother after winning the auction and I certainly can’t now. I don’t know why I need a 2-meter advertising board with Jogi Löw on, nor do I know where I’m going to put it. I figured I would do what I did with the Django banner, I’ll figure it out when it gets here. It’s probably not the best way to approach decision making but in my defence I’m not nearly as reckless the rest of the time. It’s only when it comes to special interests do I give up any pretence of sanity. But then given how much they dominate everything that’s not really saying much.
Common sense is not the only thing to desert me lately, as expected I’m paying the price for having seen five films in the space of two days. I guess it’s a good thing I spent what’s left of my available cash on that advertising board because I can’t go anywhere anyway. It’s annoying being so tired but there is an upside, I don’t have to find an excuse not to write any e-mails. I know I’m not being a good friend or even a good person but I’m too tired to care. And I don’t mean just now. Normally I’d be the one who’s complaining and feeling a little abandoned. It’s strange for it to be the other way around. I’m not doing it as some kind of revenge, I really have no clue what to say. You can’t write someone that, can you? You can’t just say bluntly “I’ve run out of words right now.” Yet it’s the only thing I can say, so I’m saying nothing instead. I’ve been waiting for it to make sense and it hasn’t happened so I’m just doing nothing instead. I have words for stories but not for other people.
I haven’t talked to anyone about this or sought any advice, I think I know what they’d say. They’d tell me to get out more, to stop spending so much time by myself and to make myself do this stuff if I have to. But I have no interest in putting on a show for other people right now. It’s the one advantage to not spending time with other people, you don’t have to pretend you’re fine when you’re not. Maybe sometimes getting out is good for you but sometimes I wonder if what people really mean with that advice is stop acting this way because you’re making other people feel uncomfortable. None of this makes a lot of sense but then it doesn’t have to, I’m just happy to catch up on some sleep. I’m not wasting any energy on doing what other people think I should be doing. If that makes it seem like I’m abandoning any pretence of sanity or normality then it’s ok with me. I’m confused but not particularly worried about all this, I’ve been here before and no doubt will be again in the future. It’s not the best way for things to be but it is what it is. I know allowing one special interest to run rampant is not the best idea but I’m too tired to argue with it right now.