Category Archives: Jogi & Hansi: The Löw Adventures

Hansi’s Perfect Morning: Waking up with Jogi

I’ve wanted to post something for a while but haven’t written anything I’ve deemed good enough or suitable to put on here. In an ideal world I would have written something suitably themed for Valentine’s day but that was never going to happen, besides the last thing I need right now is to start another story. I’ve got plenty to do without adding to the list. So I thought I’d take the opportunity to post something I’ve been in two minds about ever since I started writing it. I’m still unsure about it but then if I change my mind and decide I really hate it I suppose I can always delete it. Having that option makes me a little more agreeable to taking the risk.  Anyhow it’s a little longer than the stories I usually post on here and it doesn’t really have an end, in theory I could return to it and write more but I can’t guarantee that.

Hansi tries his best to always be the one who wakes up first but despite his efforts Jogi is always the first one out of bed. This morning however he’d done no such thing and Hansi managed not only to wake up before him but to get out of bed too. He never really expected to succeed in getting away from Jogi, fully expecting Jogi to reach out and try to grab hold of his shorts only to find there was nothing for him to grab onto. Hansi pictured in his head the way he saw it going, him turning around and pouncing on Jogi – taking advantage of his half woken state and having a little fun before getting out of bed. Except Jogi hadn’t woken up at any point despite Hansi giving him plenty of opportunities, not wasting any time when he woke up and moved Jogi off him Hansi couldn’t resist placing his hand on his chest. Caressing Jogi’s chest Hansi paused halfway down to softly kiss his way down from his shoulder. But there was no reaction at all from Jogi, not even when he got to his favourite place. Curious to see how far he could go Hansi allowed his hand to continue its descent, tracing his fingers softly all the way down to Jogi’s stomach before letting his hand come to rest there. For a few moments he kept his hand there, watching Jogi sleep as he felt and listened to him breathe.

Before getting out of bed Hansi decided to attempt one final test, this usually got Jogi’s attention no matter how deeply asleep he is. It doesn’t matter how tired he is either, when Hansi lets his hand go anywhere near his shorts Jogi can be relied upon to grab hold of said hand and place it where he wants. However not this morning, he shows no reaction at all when Hansi slowly slips his hands inside his shorts. To Hansi’s considerable surprise that hadn’t worked either and he’d managed to retrieve his hand with no problems and to get out of bed after he’d done so.

Making his way to the bathroom Hansi turned back at the door to watch Jogi for just one more moment. Watching over Jogi he can see he’s not moved an inch, not even to put the blankets straight. For just a minute Hansi considers getting back in bed with Jogi, not just that but snuggling up next to him and doing the unthinkable, getting into bed on Jogi’s side. He thinks about draping Jogi’s arm over him, how nice and safe he would feel wrapped safely in his arms. Not to mention how toasty and warm it would be, because no matter how few blankets Jogi has he’s always comfortably warm to sleep next to. As Hansi knows very well on a cold night you don’t need an extra blanket, all you need is a Jogi hug.

It’s a most tempting prospect but seeing how adorable Jogi looks fast asleep Hansi decides to leave him be, for the moment at least. When he gets back from the bathroom he finds his resolve is no longer quite so strong. He expected to find Jogi exactly where he left him and he did, but with one important and very tempting difference. Jogi’s lying precisely where he left him, all stretched out and flat on his back. The blanket is how Hansi left it, pulled up to Jogi’s waist but low enough so he can just see the top of his shorts. The only difference is the location of Jogi’s left hand, it’s no longer lying by his side and it’s not adorably curled up to his chest as he’s prone to doing either. Instead it’s where Hansi’s own had been just a few moments ago, tucked none too subtly inside his shorts.

Standing there in the doorway Hansi considers the possibility Jogi’s playing him and that he’d merely been pretending to be asleep a few moments ago. It’s exactly the kind of forward thinking move Jogi would make yet Hansi doesn’t buy it. For one simple reason Hansi’s not convinced, he doesn’t believe for one minute that Jogi could hide his reaction when he placed his hand on his chest. Awake or not it’s the one thing Jogi always responds to. Keeping in mind the fact it’s not always a wise decision to wake a sleeping Jogi, not even for fun, Hansi nevertheless decides to test his theory one final time. Sitting down on the bed next to him Hansi once more places his hand on Jogi’s chest, placing it there firmly enough so there can be no doubt he’s there. But still Jogi doesn’t even stir. Not even when Hansi leans down to kiss him, allowing the full weight of his upper body to rest against him. Getting back up Hansi sweeps the mess of hair off Jogi’s forehead, softly kissing him there once he’s done so. For a few moments he keeps his hand there, thinking about how sweet Jogi looks those odd times he’s slow to wake up and Hansi gets to see that wonderfully sleepy look in his eyes. It’s a rare occasion because usually when he awakes Jogi is wide awake and looks it. But Hansi thinks if he woke up now Jogi would be no such thing and he’s right, but he won’t be here to see it. Intertwining his fingers with Jogi’s as he takes his hand in his Hansi thinks of how easy it would be to curl up next to Jogi and bask in his warmth. It would be a nice compromise but it’s also likely to freak Jogi out. For once however it’s not the only reason which forces Hansi to reconsider. It’s not only Jogi’s feelings stopping him but his own. For as tired as Jogi obviously is from last night’s fun Hansi is just as hungry it seems he’d worked up quite the appetite in his quest to satisfy Jogi. So much so he can’t wait for him to wake up. Kissing Jogi on the forehead one final time Hansi whispers “I guess I finally did it, I finally tired you out.” Patting him affectionately on the chest before getting up Hansi continues “Sorry I couldn’t wait for you, but you’ve given me quite the appetite, don’t worry I’ll make you something too.”

Finally getting up from the bed Hansi watches Jogi for just a minute, to make sure he really is asleep. Satisfied he is Hansi goes off in search of his shorts, he looks everywhere he can think of and can’t find them anywhere. Standing at the foot of the bed he realises the one place he hasn’t looked, Jogi’s side of the bed. Sure enough when he lifts up the blanket he sees them tucked underneath Jogi’s thigh. Whether or not their location is deliberate or not Hansi’s got no clue but either way he decides to leave them where they are. Chances are he could retrieve them without disturbing Jogi but he decides not to try. It’ll be more fun when Jogi gets downstairs if he’s not wearing them. So Hansi leaves them where they are and doesn’t put anything else on either. He plans on giving Jogi quite the surprise when he eventually decides to get out of bed.

Sure he’s got plenty of time before Jogi wakes up Hansi takes all the time in the world with the process of making breakfast, making sure everything is perfect for Jogi. Even though it’s just the two of them Hansi sets the table, laying everything out just as Jogi likes. Hansi takes care of everything, making sure Jogi won’t have to get up for anything. Thinking Jogi might be extra hungry too Hansi gets him both a plate and a bowl, as well as making room for his glass of juice and not one but two cups of espresso, rightly figuring Jogi’s going to need them. In his bid to keep Jogi at the table Hansi also fetches the newspapers for him, taking great care to lay them out in the right order. All of Hansi’s attention to detail is most likely destined to go to waste given how tired he is. But he does it anyway; he likes to think how happy he’s making Jogi. To think that such small things can bring him happiness. Truth is Hansi couldn’t care less about any of this but it matters to Jogi so it matters to him. No matter how tedious or time consuming he may find it all Hansi needs to do is think of the look on Jogi’s face the first time he made breakfast for him. Remembering the look of joy on Jogi’s face as he took in every last detail is enough to remind Hansi why he does it. Of course this morning he’s got an extra special motivation. Thinking of the sight Jogi’s going to be greeted by Hansi is extra determined to get everything just right. Not that anything is ever less than perfect when Hansi does anything for Jogi, by now absolute perfection is second nature to him.

Hansi was right about one thing, Jogi is half awake when he finally wakes up. So confused is he upon waking it takes him a while to realise Hansi’s not there anymore. Confusedly reaching out in search of whatever part of Hansi he can reach Jogi comes across something else. His hand searching for Hansi’s leg draped across his Jogi’s hand instead finds his shorts where he left them. A few minutes from now Hansi’s going to be very glad he left them here for Jogi to find. Slowly waking up Jogi starts to think how he can punish Hansi for leaving him to wake up alone. The whole time he’d been thinking Jogi kept hold of Hansi’s shorts, remembering how quickly he’d gotten them off the previous night. Then out of nowhere Jogi gets a most genius idea, something which he rightly thinks is even more tempting than going downstairs wearing nothing at all. The first thing he does after getting out of bed is to take off his own underwear before replacing them with Hansi’s. So keen is he to get to Hansi that Jogi skips his usual routine of tidying up the bed, besides he has a feeling they might end up back here soon enough anyway. Jogi has another surprise for Hansi too, a most welcome reward for him. Not only does Jogi skip his morning shower but he doesn’t fix his hair either. Hansi will appreciate all of this, the latter especially. He loves Jogi’s messed up hair and it’ll be a nice reminder of last night. Hansi doesn’t know it but it’s not the thing he’ll appreciate the most this morning. A freshly showered Jogi is hot beyond words but believe it or not there’s something even hotter, as Hansi’s about to discover.

Jogi doesn’t clean up at all after last night’s fun, he brushes his teeth but that’s all. Jogi wants to shower, it’s his routine after all but right now there’s something better. He can smell Hansi all over him and he loves it. If there’s ever a good reason not to shower this is it. Looking at his hair in the mirror Jogi decides to mess it up some more. In the process of doing so he finds himself very distracted indeed. He starts thinking about last night, about Hansi’s fingers doing what his own are right now. It’s never easy to creep up on Jogi but someone probably could do so right now. If Hansi could see him now he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from laughing at him. In fact he wouldn’t know what to laugh at more, the stupid love-struck yet very alluring look on Jogi’s face, the fact he’s wearing his underwear or that his hand is currently placed on his own chest. Ironically enough even Hansi would find it difficult to get Jogi’s attention in his current state. But then why ever would he want to. It would be much more fun to stand there watching the way Jogi’s fingers are absent mindedly stroking his bare skin. Hansi loves watching him when he’s distracted like this and were he here it’s exactly what he’d be doing. That is if he could convince himself to keep his hands off Jogi, with how hot he’s looking that seems unlikely. Despite Jogi’s daydreaming it won’t be too long before Hansi can do just that for just a moment later he manages to snap out of it and then hurriedly makes his way downstairs.

By the time he gets there Hansi’s more than halfway through the process of making breakfast. Sneaking into the kitchen Jogi finds Hansi standing at the cooker with his back to him. Stunned Jogi can’t believe his eyes, he can’t believe that Hansi’s standing completely naked in front of him. Now he’s solved the mystery of the shorts at least. Jogi’s beyond happy at the sight in front of him yet he can’t help have some reservations. He’s not sure Hansi’s thought this through and as tempting as Hansi looks Jogi’s not sure he likes the idea of him being naked in the kitchen.

Before coming up behind Hansi first Jogi grabs an apron, intending to cover Hansi up. First however there’s something far more important to do. Stepping up behind Hansi he wraps an arm around him, nuzzling the back of his neck as he loves to do. Leaning back slightly into Jogi and losing himself in the feeling of his ever so soft skin Hansi whispers “Morning sleepyhead, you have fun last night?”

“I did, a lot of fun.”

Noticing how Jogi feels different Hansi asks “Have you showered yet?”

“No, I didn’t want to.”

“Why ever not?”

“I smell like you and I like it.”

“That’s a good reason.”

“Yes, it is” replies Jogi as he distracts Hansi by nuzzling his neck again. Between trying to enjoy what Jogi’s doing and focusing on the food in front of him Hansi doesn’t notice what Jogi’s doing until he’s actually done it. As sneakily as he snuck up on him Jogi places the apron round Hansi’s neck and is pulling it down in front of him before he can say a word. Jogi’s completed the task at hand before Hansi complains “What the hell are you doing? Why are you covering me up?”

“Protecting the merchandise.”

Hearing this Hansi had to turn and face Jogi. Trying his best not to laugh he asks “I’m merchandise now? Shopkeeper Jogi, yet another name for you. Tell me did you protect your scarves and ties this way?”

“They didn’t need taking care of like you do, they were never stupid enough to cook naked in my kitchen. Aren’t you worried about getting hurt?”

“No, I’m not frying anything so I’ve got nothing to worry about. It’s just scrambled eggs, it’s fine.”

“Still, keep the apron on.”

Looking down at Jogi’s choice of attire only now does Hansi notice what he should have done all along. Putting aside the matter of the apron for a moment Hansi asks “What made you decide to wear my underwear?”

“To punish you.”

“What am I being punished for?”

“You got up without me, I don’t like waking up alone.”

“I was hungry and you weren’t waking up anytime soon. I really tired you out last night.”

“That you did, I do like a good workout, especially when it’s with you.”

“You really want me to keep the apron on?”


“Give me a little something and I’ll agree, no arguments.”

“What, you mean like this?” asks Jogi as he kisses Hansi and pulls him up against him.

Feeling Jogi pressed against him and noting the way he’s breathing Hansi teasingly asks “Is my winter solider thawed out yet?”

“Not quite, you should take me back to bed after breakfast.”

“How about a shower first?”

“No, I like smelling like you.”

I like it too, but you should go sit down now.”

“I can’t stay here?”

“Unless you want burnt food no. Soon enough you’ll have me back in bed and you can stay as close as you want.”

“Maybe we should eat in bed.”

“No, you won’t like it. I want to have fun, not deal with anxious little Jogi.”

“Ok, Hansi’s the boss.”

“I am, now go sit down” orders Hansi as he frees himself from Jogi’s grasp and turns his attention back to the food.

Despite recognising Hansi’s authority on the matter Jogi’s not quite done, he’s not going to let Hansi get away without putting a hand on him. Before Hansi can protest Jogi slips his hands inside of his apron, placing them on his chest and working all the way down.

When he feels Jogi’s hands moving ever lower Hansi pointlessly complains “Jogi, that’s not what I told you to do.”

“You’re sending me away, I can at least have some fun before I go.”

“You have, and you’ll have even more later. So listen to the boss and do what you’re told.”

“Tell me you command me.”

“That’s stupid.”

“No seriously, you know what, I think you should learn a little Russian. I think it would be really hot, then you could activate me like the winter soldier.”

“You think Russian is hot?”

“Very, the winter solider sounds hot in Russian and I think you’ll sound even hotter.”

“Maybe I will, but for now no Russian. Just do what I asked.”

“You won’t command me?”

“Not here, save that for in bed.”

“Then you’ll command me properly” replies Jogi in that infuriatingly adorable way of his as he removes his hands from inside Hansi’s apron.

Hansi sent Jogi away because he was distracting him yet he might as well still be there. It’s not just what he did either, the thoughts he’s put in Hansi’s head are more than enough to distract him. Now that is exactly Jogi’s way, to put a good idea in his head before leaving to do something else. Hansi would never have thought Jogi capable of teasing him that way. He’d never have believed that the man who has to finish absolutely everything could tease him by starting to make a move then stopping without any warning. Yet Jogi’s done so several times by now and it’s something Hansi loves and hates in equal measures. It’s not like he minds thinking such thoughts, more that Jogi does pick the most inconvenient of times to put them in his head. So tempting are the thoughts Jogi put in his head that Hansi’s very tempted to abandon the breakfast he’s nearly finished making, to go and fetch Jogi, take him by the hand and drag him back to bed. He’s not sure he can survive breakfast with Jogi, knowing he’s sitting there wearing his shorts and with the none too subtle looks he’ll be throwing his way. No doubt Jogi won’t be able to keep his hands to himself either. Jogi is an a most playful mood and that’s not going to disappear just because they’re eating, a fact Hansi’s about to find out is very true indeed.

Even just the way Jogi’s looking at him when he takes his breakfast into him is enough for Hansi to know what he’s thinking. That look alone is tempting enough for Hansi to drag him off to bed here and now. But Hansi does no such thing and not just because he doesn’t want to give Jogi the satisfaction of giving into him, he really is hungry. And with what Jogi’s got planned no doubt he’s going to need some extra fuel. So Hansi does his best to focus his thoughts as he puts Jogi’s breakfast in front of him, Jogi however has other ideas. As soon as Hansi puts the tray down Jogi makes his move, pulling Hansi down onto his lap. Times like this Hansi swears Jogi’s actually trying to kill him, how he is meant to think of anything else when he can feel Jogi’s bare skin against his own? He’s just relieved Jogi’s wearing his shorts because were he not this situation would be even more tempting. As is stands it’s already plenty tempting, feeling Jogi’s muscular thighs against his own and the feel of his ever so soft skin.

“Jogi, this is exactly the kind of thing I told you not to do.”

“You refused to command me, so it’s your own fault.”

“I’m hungry and I’m not kidding. Let me go eat.”

“You can eat here.”

“Jogi, I need food, real food.”

“That’s what I meant, what did you think I meant?”

“I thought….” laughs Hansi as he attempts to explain the misunderstanding, his unfinished sentence disappearing into laughter. Trying again but unable to stop himself from laughing Hansi gives up and for just a moment allows his upper body to rest against Jogi’s. It’s probably giving him the wrong idea but Hansi could care less about that. He needs a moment to compose himself and regroup. Though leaning against Jogi’s bare chest may not be the best way to do that.

Happy where Hansi is but confused at him moving closer Jogi asks “What’s so funny?”

Composing himself enough to answer Hansi replies “I thought you were telling me I could have you for breakfast.”

“Oh” answers a very intrigued sounding Jogi. Thinking a moment he then asks “Do you want me for breakfast?”

“No, I mean yes, I…” Frustrated Hansi complains “I hate it when you do that to me.”

“Do what?”

“Ask questions that make me feel like I don’t know where my head is at.”

“You know where your head is, it’s right here on my chest, how could you not know that? Am I not a comfortable enough resting place for you?”

“And you’ve done it again. I swear sometimes it’s impossible to talk to you.”

“We don’t have to talk” points out Jogi with the mischievous tone in his voice obvious and matching the playful look in his eyes.

Not playing into Jogi’s hands Hansi replies “You’re right, we don’t need to talk, we need to eat.”

“You need to eat, I need something else.”

“I think you need to eat too, even if you’re not that hungry you should store up some energy for later.”

“Am I going to a need a lot of energy?”

“Definitely, I plan on giving you a good workout.”

“Ok, get up then.”

Hansi does so and is about to sit down when he realises he’s not technically wearing anything, well he’s got the apron on but that’s all. Taking it off Hansi decides he’d better put something else on and sets off to do that. He’s doesn’t get very far however before Jogi complains “Where are you going? I thought you were hungry.”

“I am, but I have to put something on.”

“No, stay here, please? I like you undressed.”

“I know, but do you really want me undressed sitting at the table?”

Thinking it over Jogi wants to say yes but he can’t and Hansi knows it. Thus he’s not surprised when Jogi replies “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

“I have an idea, Hansi.”

“Tell me.”

“I left my shorts upstairs, go put them on.”


“Yes, I’m wearing yours. It’s only fair.”

“What is it with you and underwear? It’s like your obsession.”

“Something wrong with that?”

“No, I just wouldn’t mind knowing what the fascination is.”

“Like I need to explain.”

“I know the obvious answer but why are you so fixated on swapping?”

“I used to dream about getting in your shorts.”

“Jogi, I know that too.”

“What don’t you know?”

“I imagine there’s a lot I don’t know.”

“Want me to tell you something you don’t know?”

“Ok, tell me.”

“Before when I could only dream about you I liked to play a guessing game, to guess whether you were wearing any underwear or not.”

“And I thought you were all so innocent.”

“I have feelings too, Hansi.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Will you put mine on?”

“Only if you promise to take them off after breakfast.”

“You don’t need to command me to do that, Hansi. You never do.”

“I know that too” smiles Hansi as he goes off to retrieve Jogi’s shorts, leaving him sitting there at the table. Moving as quickly as possible Hansi retrieves the shorts from where Jogi left them on his side of the bed, noting as he does so the fact Jogi’s not tidied up at all. A fact which pleases him greatly, looking over the crumpled sheets Hansi thinks of how they’re going to get even more crumpled a short while from now. At least they will if they ever make it up back up here. Going by the look in Jogi’s eyes Hansi isn’t sure they’ll actually get here. Casting his eyes over the crumpled sheets Hansi thinks back to the first night they’d properly spent together, of how afterwards Jogi had immediately began to clean up and strip the bed. Of course Hansi didn’t let him get very far in his attempts, grabbing hold of the sheet so he became wrapped in it and then pulling Jogi down on top of him. How things have changed, back then Hansi never would have thought Jogi would skip a shower let alone leave the bed looking like this. Hansi’s changing Jogi, in ways big and small, all of them good. He’s still Hansi’s strange little Jogi, for he could never be less strange. It’s not that Hansi’s made him act more normal, if anything he’s had the opposite effect on him because he’s the one person Jogi doesn’t need to hide his quirks around. Jogi always said everything was less scary when Hansi’s by his side, which is exactly what makes the difference, what allows him to alter his routine and do things he wouldn’t usually do. It still makes him a little uncomfortable but less so when he’s in Hansi’s presence, of course it’s slightly easier when he knows how well he’s going to be rewarded for such flexibility. Hansi understands exactly the effect he has on Jogi, he gets just how difficult it can be for Jogi to show such flexibility. He never fails to appreciate Jogi doing such a thing for him, never. Hansi’s just happy that Jogi belongs to him and that he and he alone can relax Jogi enough to be himself, to feel free not to hide any of his quirks. To think he has this effect on him is more than Hansi ever expected, but he’s got no complaints about it. He never could have anticipated how definitely non-innocent Jogi is but it was a good surprise.

Having retrieved the shorts Hansi decides upon doing something which Jogi will most definitely approve of, the kind of play which is so good he wishes he came up with it himself. For Hansi doesn’t get dressed up here, instead he takes the shorts back downstairs with him, intending to put them in front of Jogi. So many times Jogi has teased him by getting dressed in front of him and not actually letting him touch him, well now Hansi’s going to do the reverse to him. For a few minutes anyway, he could never resist Jogi’s touch, not for long. He just wants to toy with him for a little while. Which is exactly what he does when he gets downstairs, when Jogi notices anyway. Because when Hansi gets there Jogi is a little too engaged with his breakfast to even notice he’s walked in the room. He’d claimed he wasn’t hungry but Hansi knew better and there’s little sign of Jogi’s usually perfect manners as he sets about eating what Hansi made him. When he first moved in Hansi wondered how Jogi could eat the way he does, he almost didn’t believe him when Jogi said he really does eat what he wants. It didn’t take long before he get his answer, because even when Jogi’s not exercising or working out he’s still moving in some way. Between his mannerisms and his nervous habits there’s barely a time when he is sitting still. Though by now Hansi’s leant it is possible, that he can make it happen with enough effort.

Ever since he’d woken up Hansi’s taken plenty of time to watch Jogi and he takes just another moment to do the same here. He wonders how long he could stand here before Jogi notices. Normally Jogi knows someone is there before they walk in the room, he can hear everything. But not when he’s focused like he is now. No doubt he’d taken Hansi’s advice about refuelling to heart.

“Jogi, are you ever going to notice I’m here?”

Looking up at Hansi confusedly Jogi comments “You’re still not dressed.”

Showing Jogi his shorts Hansi says “I thought I’d get dressed in front of you.”

“You’re teasing me?”

“Like you’ve done to me so many times, yes I am.”

“Hurry up and get dressed, you need to eat.”

Not saying another word Hansi puts on Jogi’s shorts, he’s plenty hungry but he doesn’t rush. He said he wanted to tease him and he meant it. Slowly doing so Hansi takes great pleasure from the fact all of Jogi’s attention is now fixed on him, his breakfast lays forgotten as he stares hungrily at Hansi. All of a sudden Jogi’s got an appetite for something very different, an appetite he’s going to have to wait to sate  for just a little bit longer. Not only because Hansi’s going to make him wait to tease him either. First of all Hansi needs to eat, only then can he think about doing anything else. Though he’s not going to stop Jogi’s usual antics underneath the table.

Hansi loves the fact Jogi keeps his eyes on him as he walks over to the table, the whole way there Jogi keeps staring at him which just makes Hansi move that little bit slower. Jogi however has no time for moving slowly. The minute Hansi sits at the table Jogi makes his move, letting his leg get close to Hansi’s and allowing his foot to work up to his thigh as he loves to do. Having forgotten about eating for the moment Jogi busies himself with feeling each and every one of the muscles in Hansi’s leg. It’s all he can do for the moment so he makes the most of it. At least he does until Hansi complains “I’m trying to eat here.”

“I’m not stopping you.”

“You kind of are, it’s not easy to think when your foot is busy trying to feel me up.”

“That is not what I’m doing” counters an affronted sounding Jogi.

“Where your foot is that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

“You should just be grateful I’m not on the floor right now.”

“Easy solider, you stay right there in your chair. Don’t you even think of coming over here.”

“Not even when you’re done eating?”

“Not even then, you’re not getting up to anything in here. We have guests in here, Jogi. I can’t be thinking about that when we have people over.”

“Can I keep my foot here at least?”

“Fine, just don’t distract me so much.”

It was pointless Hansi telling Jogi this, his foot just being there is distracting enough regardless of what Jogi does with it. But Hansi felt the need to instil a little bit of discipline into the situation. Jogi’s getting what he wants but not without Hansi making it clear he has to wait, he’s not completely won here and Hansi’s letting him know it. That’s what Hansi likes to tell himself anyway. He may have some control over the situation but the truth is Jogi’s won not just this round but the whole battle; he always wins because Hansi can never say no to him and Jogi knows it. It’s been quite some time since Hansi was Jogi’s assistant but some things never change, not least the fact that Jogi is in every sense of the word always going to be the boss of him.

Jogi & Hansi’s Special Workout: The Prologue

I’m meant to be working on the San Marino story, not to mention the Christmas one but at the moment both of them have been put aside for this rather distracting adventure, though I think I can be forgiven for that. Thinking of Jogi working out alone is tempting enough, add Hansi to the mix and it’s a miracle I’ve been able to think about anything but this story, let alone get anything done. It’s not even finished but I couldn’t wait to post it, figuring I would post it in parts if I get round to writing even more. I have the beginnings of a second part but I’m not sure about finishing it yet, at least not before getting something else done first. I do feel bad about having abandoned the other stories, even if the reason is a very good one. Anyhow, here it is. It’s not at all Christmas themed but regardless I think it’s a very nice Christmas gift. Actually the idea of Jogi working out is a great gift to get any time of the year. It’s definitely one of the most enjoyable things I’ve ever written:

Hansi loves to watch Jogi no matter what he’s doing; in fact he’s happy to watch Jogi even if he’s doing nothing at all. Awake or asleep Hansi can never take his eyes off Jogi and his favourite thing in the world is to watch him breathe. There is nothing better than watching his muscular chest rise and fall. Regardless of how much or little he’s wearing Hansi just loves it and in fact he actually prefers Jogi to be dressed sometimes. For the simple reason his imagination runs wild, picturing Jogi’s bare chest in his head is somehow even hotter than actually seeing it in front of him. Especially when he’s wearing one of his famous white shirts, those Hansi loves most of all. He loves the way they cling to his chest and accentuate his muscles, every last one of them. Seeing Jogi take one of his sharp angry breaths is even hotter when Hansi’s left to imagine what his muscles look like as he regains control of himself. Every time Hansi sees it he thinks of how it feels when his hand is there and how much it excites him to feel Jogi’s chest rapidly moving beneath his hand. He always loves what Jogi wears but watching him breathe makes him appreciate his choice of attire even more, his preference for tight fitting clothes making the activity even more enjoyable. Not that it needs much more to be exciting for Hansi. It’s why he’s always careful not to watch Jogi too much around other people, knowing full well he can’t stop those thoughts forming in his mind and the feelings which follow are equally unstoppable.

There are however times when Hansi can indulge in such thoughts to his heart’s content and it’s exactly what he’s planning on doing here. If he’s lucky he may even get to act on some of them, though he’s not counting on it. If all he gets to do is watch Jogi then he’ll still be happy, at least that’s what he thinks. But if Jogi does let him play and he gets the chance to be close to his warm and sweat covered chest then Hansi will happy beyond words. For the moment he’s not thinking of saying anything or alerting Jogi to his presence in any way. Lurking outside near the door Hansi’s thinking of nothing but what Jogi’s doing. At the moment he can’t see but he doesn’t need to, just listening to him stretch is enough. It’s not something Hansi gets to see often despite it being part of Jogi’s pre-match routine. Because even though Jogi occasionally allows Hansi to travel with him there are parts of his routine not even he can partake in. Jogi may have slightly altered his pre-match routine in order to have some fun and to allow Hansi to help him get dressed but that’s all. Some things just can’t be changed, not even for Hansi. One of those things being his pre-match workout. Hansi only ever asked once if he could tag along and Jogi’s reply convinced Hansi he need not ask again. He’d give anything to see Jogi stretch before a game but it’s not going to happen. Hansi understands why Jogi said no, it’s not because he can’t tolerate the change. It’s more he needs that time to get in the right headspace before the game and he can’t tolerate anyone being there, not even Hansi. It’s Jogi’s time to prepare himself for what’s coming and nothing can be allowed to get in the way of that. Besides part of his routine is getting used to the fact Hansi’s not there anymore, him being present would get in the way of that. Jogi’s finding it hard enough already to accept he’s not there, the last thing he needs is such a direct reminder of how difficult adapting to his absence is.

It’s not long before listening is not enough and Hansi feels the need to creep even closer in order to see Jogi. He’s in dangerous territory but he really can’t help himself, just picturing Jogi in his head isn’t doing it anymore. Moving quietly as he creeps towards the door Hansi gets as close as he dares, not wanting Jogi to know he’s watching him. For one thing he’s not sure how Jogi would feel about this, not to mention the fact he’s almost a little embarrassed. Despite how he feels Hansi has to be here, he’d gotten the idea in his head and it just wouldn’t go away. Now Hansi can see what he’d spent the past few minutes thinking about, only just but it’s enough. Hansi’s trying to see enough of Jogi without actually letting him know he’s there. He doesn’t know it but his plan isn’t going to work, in fact he’s already failed. He’d moved closer because hearing Jogi wasn’t cutting it anymore and before he knows it the same will happen again. Soon enough seeing Jogi won’t be enough either and Hansi will feel compelled not just to be near him but to actually touch him too. There’s also one other aim he’s completely failed in achieving. Just how Hansi thought he was going to get away with being out here is baffling. In what world did he think he could escape Jogi’s bat like hearing, his feelings it seems overriding any sense of logical thought.

Taken over by his own feelings Hansi obviously isn’t thinking straight, if he were then he’d never make such a mistake. Even though he’s working out Jogi can still be relied upon to maintain an awareness of his surroundings. What Hansi doesn’t know is Jogi’s been aware of his presence ever since he started creeping towards the door. Not that such things are on Hansi’s mind, for the moment he’s completely preoccupied with his own feelings. Standing out here enjoying what he can see of Jogi and his muscles being put to good work Hansi is very distracted indeed. Just a moment ago he’d been thinking of Jogi’s ridiculously tight fitting shirt but it’s not long before his thoughts shift to his own. He’d been thinking of how Jogi’s shirt clings to him as he stretches, with each move he makes it looks more and more tempting. And when Jogi raises his arms above his head Hansi is no longer himself anymore, getting just a sneak peek of Jogi’s bare skin as his t-shirt rises up is simply unbearable. It’s at that point his hands are no longer content to be so far away from Jogi and in the absence of him they go in search of their own entertainment. Hansi’s not paying nearly enough attention to notice his hand pulling at his shirt. Lost in his thoughts he’s totally unaware of why his shirt feels so tight all of a sudden, almost as if he’s put one of Jogi’s on by mistake. It takes him a few moments longer than it should to notice any of this. When he does it’s no longer Jogi’s well fitting shirt his mind is focused on. Instead he’s trying to work out why he’s gotten so warm and his shirt is beginning to stick to him, not just that but the way it feels like it’s tightening around his chest. Breathing a little faster Hansi’s unaware Jogi has stopped stretching and he’s equally unaware he’s heading towards him right now.

Jogi’s got no idea how excited Hansi’s getting, he’s been waiting for the right moment but for him that meant when he’d finished what he was doing. He’s looking forward to bringing Hansi in here but he needed to finish his task first. No matter how much he loves Hansi he always needs to finish what he started, it would take something extra special to get him to break that rule. Lucky for him finishing his task coincided with the most perfect moment; though for Hansi it’s far from perfect. As happy as Hansi is by the prospect of some fun to begin with he’s more embarrassed than anything else, not least when he learns Jogi knew he was here the whole time.

Taking in the sight of Hansi and the way he’s all so hot and bothered Jogi opts to stay silent for a moment, to just enjoy what he’s done to Hansi. Eventually he moves closer so he’s standing in front of Hansi and tells him “You don’t have to stay out here, Hansi. You can come inside if you want.”

“What?” is all Hansi can manage in reply.

“Stop standing out here, come inside already.”

Coming to his senses a little Hansi asks “How long have you known that I’m here?”

“The whole time.”

“And you said nothing?”

“I was waiting for the right time” explains Jogi as he takes a step closer to him.

He could see from where he was standing the effect he’s having on Hansi but he needs to be closer in order to make his next move. Getting as close as he needs Jogi allows his hand to reach out and touch Hansi’s chest. Feeling his ever so slightly damp shirt and how warm he is Jogi comments “And I thought I was the one working out.”

Embarrassed at almost being caught in the act Hansi has no idea what to say. There’s no reason for him to be worried yet it doesn’t change how he feels. So awkward is this Hansi feels like he did that day Jogi came home and eventually took him to bed. Except they’d taken quite a few detours on the way and at first Hansi thought he might have to take care of himself. To be truthful thought is a most misleading word to use for Hansi wasn’t thinking at all. A more accurate way to explain it would be to say Jogi had driven him crazy by starting to undo his belt and whatever happened next Hansi had to finish the job which he’d done, instead of doing his belt back up his hands finished what Jogi had barely started. He’d not had the chance to do that here but had Jogi not come to get him no doubt it’s what would have come next. With Jogi standing there staring at him Hansi feels not unlike a teenage boy almost caught in the act. All of a sudden he feels every bit as awkward as a teenager too, his hands awkwardly by his sides he’s got no clue where to put them or what to do.

Jogi’s not always the best at reading non-verbal cues but he can’t fail to understand this, after all he’s well acquainted with the nervous way Hansi’s trying to avoid his gaze because it’s normally him reacting that way. What he can’t work out is what he should do about it. Unable to work out anything to say Jogi goes for the more direct route, taking Hansi’s hand in his he attempts to pull him in the direction of the door. When Hansi doesn’t move Jogi asks “Don’t you want to watch me?”

“Of course I do.”

“So come on then.”

“Jogi, I didn’t mean to….”

“You didn’t mean to what?”

Looking down again and feeling more than a little embarrassed Hansi can’t say one word of what he’s thinking. Being blunt with Jogi is always the best option but he can’t even hint at what he’s thinking here, let alone get right to the point. Picking up on his obvious discomfort Jogi asks “What are you so embarrassed about?” And when Hansi doesn’t answer Jogi does it for him, in the process making Hansi wish he’d just explained himself. Blunt as ever Jogi answers his own question saying “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, just because I caught you out here getting excited. You’re like a teenage boy who’s been caught with his hands in his trousers.”

“Jogi, if you’re trying to help it’s not working.”

“I don’t understand, we’ve had sex, surely moments like this shouldn’t happen anymore. And if they do then it’s meant to be me.”

“Jogi, can you do something for me?”


“Take me wherever you want but just shut up for a minute.”

Happily granting Hansi his request Jogi takes hold of his hand and leads him inside, not wasting any time on explaining his intentions. Nor does he stop to see if Hansi actually going to follow him, just taking it for granted he will. For his part Hansi is most confused and almost overwhelmed by his feelings but he allows Jogi to take him wherever he wants. He’s got no more clue as to what Jogi’s thinking but it doesn’t really matter. Whether or not Jogi’s just going to let him watch or have even more fun he doesn’t care. All he needs right now is to be near him. Of course what Hansi doesn’t know is Jogi has a plan of his own making, a plan he’d formulated the second he heard Hansi creeping around outside. He very much intends on involving Hansi in his work-out but not just yet, no way is he giving Hansi what he wants quite so easily. Jogi’s a firm believer in the adage that good things come to those who wait and as Hansi is forever teasing him, he really does like good build-up play.

Jogi’s Late Night Phone Call: The Grey Shorts Dream

I haven’t posted anything other than pictures in a while, nothing substantial at all let alone a Löw related adventure. I’m not sure if I can get back into the habit of posting regularly, or if I even want to. In the meantime however I have at least been writing a lot of Löw adventures, though I have no intention of posting most of them online.  This one however I can’t resist posting, I started writing it during the last international break and have only just got around to finishing it. The idea originated from a dream I had in which Jogi was wearing grey shorts and a red pinkish jacket like in the hotel interview in Deutschland: Ein Sömmermarchen. The jacket that is, the shorts are another story altogether and are partly what tickled me enough to write this story to begin with.

The source of my amusement being a picture in a certain German newspaper of Jogi wearing grey shorts. Now if I had seen that picture and then had the dream that still would have been funny but what actually happened is even cooler. I had the dream about him in grey shorts the night before I saw the picture. It was a great dream but annoyingly enough it happened exactly as described in the story – except of course I dreamt about Jogi rather than Hansi, I too woke up without knowing how it ended. I can’t say the same for the dream I had the night before last though. Now that was most definitely  a dream I would have been annoyed to not know the end of. In fact I wonder if that dream had anything to do with why I suddenly decided to finish this story. The dream invovled not only Jogi but Freiburg’s recently acquired Turkish defender Çağlar Söyüncü. I won’t go into details but suffice to say they were in very close quarters. I don’t know why I had that dream or why it was him, I’ve never thought of him that way before but I am now:

caglar-soyuncuJogi’s Late Night Phone Call

Hansi may have been in the middle of a very pleasant dream himself for all he knew but thanks to Jogi he’ll never get to find out. As if Jogi being away for the week isn’t difficult enough, now he’s being woken up by Jogi calling in the middle of the night too. Of all the ways he wants to be woken up by Jogi this isn’t one of them. Though to be honest he’d rather not be woken up by him at all, that’s all Jogi’s thing, not his. At least he hopes it’s Jogi calling anyway, same as he hopes there’s a good reason for this. By that he means a good reason by Jogi’s standards, a Jogi related crisis he can deal with but not a real one. Answering the phone and trying not to sound worried Hansi asks “What do you need, Jogi?”

“Did I wake you?”

“It’s three in the morning, of course you woke me. Is something wrong?”

“No, everything’s perfect.”

Waking up a little Hansi asks “How can that be? How can things be perfect without me there?”

“It’s what I called to tell you about, but first I have to ask you something.”

“You’re not going away, are you?” asks Hansi, sounding as tired as he feels.

Wrapped up in his own excitement Jogi’s completely ignorant of how tired Hansi is and sounding as enthusiastic as Hansi does tired he replies “No, never.”

“Of course you’re not” sighs Hansi, realising there’s no way out this. Propping himself up on the pillows to help him stay awake Hansi continues “What do you need to ask?”

“Tell me what you’re wearing.”

“Jogi, I love you but I’ve got no time for your games, not at three in the morning.”

“It’s not a game; now tell me, what are you wearing?”

Giving in just to make Jogi go away faster Hansi answers “Shorts and a t-shirt.”

“What colour are the shorts?”



“They’re blue.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I know what colour my clothes are” replies Hansi, doing his best by this point not to snap at Jogi. Were he more alert he would think of a most perfect way to wind Jogi up, like saying they were Hoffenheim blue, just like the blue his formerly beloved Oliver wears for Freiburg’s arch rivals. It’s a good thing Hansi’s not awake enough to come up with such a thing. Saying that would not be good in two ways, first of all Jogi would not respond well at being teased about Oliver and secondly it would bring his ever pedantic nature to the fore. He’d never be able to resist pointing out that as a goalkeeper Oliver wears green, not blue. And just like always Hansi would forget what they’d even been talking about to begin with. There’s no chance of that here though, Hansi’s too tired to even think of anything else. At least he thinks he is, because when he hears Jogi’s reply it certainly wakes him up a little.

“You were wearing grey ones in the dream.”

Now Hansi is definitely awake, sitting up straight in bed he asks “What dream, Jogi?”

“Ah, so now you’re interested?”

“Yes, tell me about the dream.”

“Sure you’re not too tired?” teases Jogi.

“I’m sure, now shut up and tell me.”

“Which is it, shut up or tell you?”

“Just tell me already, you know you want to.”

Jogi didn’t need any encouragement from Hansi but he did enjoy teasing him, it’s usually Hansi doing so to him, it’s nice to turn the tables every once in a while. Even more when Hansi actually wants to hear what he’s going on about. Jogi however for all his persistence in other areas gives in rather easily here, his own excitement to share his dream overtaking his fun at teasing Hansi. Getting right to the point Jogi explains “I dreamt about you at the beach, you were wearing grey shorts and a red jacket. You weren’t wearing anything underneath the jacket and you were too shy to take it off. So I had to encourage you.”

“I bet you enjoyed that.”


“Did you succeed?”

“I did, eventually. First I talked you into just unzipping it a little. Once you’d undone the zip halfway down I pointed out you might as well just take it off, and you did.”

“What happened next?”

“No idea, I woke up.”

“Jogi, you cannot do that to me” groans Hansi in complaint. He’d been annoyed about being woken up but now he doesn’t care about that, he just wants to know the rest of the dream. He really hopes Jogi’s just teasing him here and he asks just that, saying “You’re kidding, right?”

“No, I woke up. I don’t know what happened.”

“You need to tell me, you did not just wake me up at three in the morning for nothing.”

“Go back to sleep, have a dream of your own.”

“No, you woke me up, finish the story.”

“Want me to tell you what I think would have happened, what I would have liked to do?”

“Yes, tell me.”

“We could have some fun on the beach; you could take my shirt off too. Then, who knows, maybe the shorts could have disappeared as well.”

“Really, is this a private beach?”

“You were the only person in my dream.”

“Jogi, there could have been a crowd of people there and you wouldn’t have noticed, in real life or a dream. When you get focused on something you want nothing else exists.”

“Nothing but you, Hansi. I only ever have eyes for you.”

“You’re such a liar.”

“No I’m not.”

“You are, when we watch Freiburg play you’ve only got eyes for Nils Petersen. I might as well not exist then.”

“Not true, who’s hand am I holding?”

“Mine, that’s true. But if he were sitting next to you then you’d hold his hand too.”

“Don’t bring Nils into this.”

“Is Jogi getting defensive over his little Freiburger?”

“First of all Nils isn’t little, second of all I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

“I can’t think of Nils that way, he’s too young.”

“So if he weren’t then you’d happily think of him that way.”

“No, stop being a pedant, Hansi. That’s my job.”

“It’s ok; you can like him if you want. He can be on your list.”

“What list?”

“Some people have a list of people they could sleep with if they were allowed.”

“Do you have a list?”

“No, but I bet I know who’d be on your list.”

“You sure about that?”

“I know the first two names anyway, it would be Petersen and Schwolow, I know it would. They’ve both got blonde hair and blue eyes, and they’re handsome like me.”

Wanting to tease Hansi back Jogi retorts playfully “Are you sure you’re as handsome as they are? Schwolow’s pretty cute you know, I’m not sure you’re as cute as he is.”

Pretending to be offended and doing his best to sound hurt Hansi complains “Hey, that’s not nice.”

“You brought up the list, don’t tell me I can think about other men then act hurt when I do.”

“My shoulders are bigger and stronger than his; he won’t be able to carry you off to bed like I can.”

“Maybe not, but he’s a goalkeeper, Hansi. And you know what they say about goalkeepers.”

“What do they say?”

“They have magic hands.”

“Before you said I did.”

“You do, but not like a goalkeeper does.”

“So he’s on your list then?”

“No, I don’t need a list, I have you.”

“That’s sweet.”

“What about you, who would be on your list?” enquires Jogi, but before he can give Hansi a chance to answer he does so himself, saying “I wonder who you would like; I know your type, tall, dark and handsome, like me.”

“Jogi, you’re so much more than tall, dark and handsome. You could find a lot of men who meet that description, but none of them would have your special brand of strangeness, none of them would be as intense and loveably odd as you are.”

“So you don’t have a list either then?”

“No, I don’t need one either.”

“I couldn’t find anyone like you either, no-one else could be as patient with me as you are.”

“What about my hands, are they magic enough are do you need a goalkeeper as a backup?”

“No, your hands are enough. I wish you and your hands were here now.”

“Don’t you always wish that?”

“Yes, but now more than ever.”

“Go back to sleep, maybe I’ll come to you in a dream.” Thinking back over what Jogi said earlier Hansi realises what he should have done then, the question he should have asked right away. Jogi asked what he’s wearing and he failed to do the same, a mistake which most definitely needs to be corrected. Doing just that Hansi asks “Jogi, what are you wearing?”

“Navy blue shorts.”

“Just the shorts?” asks Hansi pointlessly, knowing full well Jogi says exactly what he means.


“Oh, I wish you hadn’t said that. Just once I wish you lied to me.”

“I don’t lie to you, I always tell you the truth. It’s one of the things I love most about you, that you never ask me to lie or pretend.”

“I can’t believe I have to get back to sleep with these thoughts in my head, I would say I’d dream about you too but I’m not sure I can get back to sleep.”

“You will, just think of me and you’ll fall asleep eventually.”

“I don’t know, tell me about what you want to dream about. Put some tempting thoughts in my head.”

“I want you to be a big strong Viking who carries me off in his rowboat. A very handsome, rugged Viking with long blonde hair and striking blue eyes, just like you.”

“Vikings now, really? Are we done with the winter solider then?”

“No, I still like him. Actually he’d make a good Viking, wouldn’t he? He’s got the right look anyway.”

“Jogi, it’s gone three in the morning. We’re not discussing the winter soldier.”

“No, we’re not. I told you what I’d like to dream. So go dream it.”

“I really wish you were here next to me.”

“I know, just two more days and you’ll get what you want.”

“It’s too long to wait, I hate being patient.”

“Spend those two days thinking of all the fun we’ll have. Think about it, you’ll be well prepared at least. You know I hate people who aren’t properly prepared for anything.”

“You don’t need to tell me to do that, I’ll be thinking of you anyway. I’m always thinking of you.”

“Go to sleep now, and think of me there. Good night, Hansi.”

“Good night, Jogi. And stay out of trouble.”

Instead of finishing the conversation as he usually does and repeating the ever familiar phrase Jogi changes it slightly, adding a few extra words when he replies “Stay out of trouble, Hansi, for now anyway.”

Verbotene Liebe – the aftermath – Part 2

They’d not come to any agreement on the matter nor had they really discussed it. Like so many other topics they’d not needed to talk much about it to know what the other is thinking. Hansi is sure he doesn’t need to waste any time asking Jogi again what he’d prefer. So when they’re done with lunch he simply announces “We can leave whenever you’re ready.”
Hansi is correct in his assumption but he’d overlooked the fact that nothing can ever be so simple when it comes to Jogi. Having settled the main issue Jogi has no trouble in finding another matter to obsess over.
“Who’s going to drive? Whose car should we take?”
“You’re the boss, you tell me.”
Taking a step closer to Hansi and placing a hand on him Jogi replies “I’m not the boss when it comes to you, I don’t want to be the boss.”
In an equally suggestive tone Hansi answers “You want me to be the boss?”
Absent-mindedly fiddling with the buttons on Hansi’s shirt Jogi says “Yes, I want Hansi to be the boss.”
“Ok, we’ll take your car and you can drive.”
“Why me?”
“I thought I was the boss, why are you questioning me?”
“I’m not and you are the boss of me, you’ve always been the boss of me. Master elf lord Hansi, I’m not questioning your authority.”
Struggling to contain his laughter Hansi asks “Elf lord? How am I an elf lord?”
Because of how cute you are and your ears” replies Jogi, moving his hand up to Hansi’s face so he can stroke behind his ear.
Still laughing a little Hansi “You like my ears?”
“Hansi, I love everything about you.”

Smiling to himself both at Jogi’s words and his fingers which are still softly stroking his ear Hansi thinks how he’d like to put that theory to the test, how he’d like to find out just how much Jogi loves about him. For now however he has more practical concerns to think about. Like however he’s meant to keep his hands off Jogi to let him drive them anywhere. Getting outside just convincing himself to let go of Jogi’s hand to get in the car is difficult enough. Hansi eventually manages to peel his fingers from Jogi’s hand, reminding himself that it won’t be long before he gets to put them back there. It’s all he thinks about as on the drive over to Jogi’s place. Watching Jogi drive Hansi soon finds his thoughts wandering to all sorts of places he most definitely should not let them wander to. Stopping such thoughts however is a different matter. It’s like trying to stop Manuel Neuer from wandering, same as him they go where they want to go and they heed no warnings. Trying to convince Neuer to stay in his box would be impossible. As impossible as it might be it would certainly be an easier task than stopping Hansi’s thoughts right now.

The next time they stop at traffic lights Hansi finds himself acting on said thoughts. Without even thinking what he’s doing he reaches out and lets his hand come to rest on Jogi’s leg, not moving it anywhere. Just letting it come to rest there and enjoying leaving it there even when the light turns green and they’re moving again. Sounding curious Jogi enquires “What are you thinking?”
“All sorts of things.”
Jogi chooses not to find out just what Hansi means, his tone making perfectly clear his none too innocent musings. Though as Hansi finds out he has his own reasons as well. So distracted is Hansi he doesn’t notice at first when Jogi speaks, asking “What did you mean “with us?”
“When I asked what’s next, you said “with us.” What did that mean?”
“I’m not really sure; I don’t know what to say.”
“What does come next with us?”
“I don’t really know.”
“We don’t just have to wing it, do we? We’re going to have a plan, right?”
“Do we need one?”
“Of course we do.”
“Well, I guess dating would be next.”
“Do we have to?”
“I don’t know, it’s not like there’s rules for this. I was going to suggest we go out for lunch today before thinking better of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought you wouldn’t want another surprise and I had my own reasons to.”
“Like what?”
“Like wanting you all to myself.”
“That’s a good reason.”
“I’m glad you think so.”

The conversation comes to an end there, neither of them knowing what else to say. Hansi’s relived Jogi doesn’t insist on continuing the discussion because truth is he has no idea what he’s doing, let alone be able to help Jogi formulate a plan of some sort. Simple truth is Hansi has no plan beyond never letting Jogi go ever again. This is the only thought on his mind for the remainder of the journey. Jogi’s not really thinking anything thus his eventual question is as much of a surprise to himself as it is to Hansi. Pulling up onto the drive he neither moves nor speaks at first. Then out of nowhere he asks “Why would we date?”
“Did you not understand the question?”
“It’s… it’s kind of a strange question.”
“What’s strange about it?”
“I can’t explain, do you not get why people date?”
“Of course I do, to get to know one another, to see if you’re compatible. We already know all of that. I already know I love you, surely dating is just a formality.”

Just when he’d been getting his head round the strangeness of Jogi’s previous comments Hansi finds himself attempting to understand this, not so much what Jogi’s saying but how he phrases himself. It would be odd were it not for the fact the whole situation is itself still a little odd. Not knowing what else to say Hansi replies “I guess you’re right about that, it’s not like I could get to know you even more than I already do.”
Before Jogi gets a chance to speak Hansi corrects himself, adding in a most mischievous tone “There’s only really one way in which I could get to know you even better.”
“See, so we don’t need to date then.”
“I guess not.”

If Hansi thinks Jogi’s done with surprising him he’s very wrong. As it turns out Jogi has another surprise for him upon getting into the house and it’s one he never would have seen coming. Having been so comfortable earlier Jogi is back to being a little nervous again, no doubt worried because he has no plan. Hansi’s prepared for him acting a little more strange than normal but what actually happens is more of a surprise than he ever could have imagined. Jogi’s thinking in being here at his place was that he would be a little more at ease. So far all it’s done is make him worry all the more. Standing there awkwardly in the living room still holding onto Hansi’s hand he can’t work out what to do. Remembering what Jogi said about wanting him to be the boss Hansi decides upon helping him out a little.

“Jogi, do you need a little help?”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“Do what you would normally do.”
“Well there’s one thing I don’t have to do.”
“What’s that?”
“Dream about you being here.”
“You never have to dream about that ever again. Apart from that, what would you do?”
Without answering Jogi begins to unbutton his shirt. Surprised not just by what Jogi does but by his own reaction Hansi takes hold of his hand, stopping him from proceeding and asking “What are you doing?”
“What you told me to.”
A little unsure of himself Hansi quips “I thought you didn’t want to get up to anything like that.”
“I don’t, not now.”
“Then why are you about to get undressed?”
“You told me to do whatever I wanted, whatever I would normally do, so I did.”
“And getting undressed is what you’d normally do?”
“Yes, when I feel like this it’s what I need to do.”
“Feel like what?”
“Me being here is making you worry?”
“Yes, I don’t want to get anything wrong.”
“There’s nothing to get wrong. All you need to do is be you. Can I ask you a question?”
“You can.”
“You like to get undressed when you’re worried, so when you’re stressed out then. All those times at work I’ve watched you move around, the way you can’t keep still, are you thinking about how much you’d like to get undressed then?”
“So during meetings you’re thinking about getting undressed?”
“Sometimes. Why are you asking this?”
“Because we were thinking the same thing without knowing it.”
“We were?”
“Yes, we were both thinking about undressing you.”
“You think about that?”
“I’m glad you never told me that before.”
“Why’s that?”
“It’s hard enough to focus as it is when you’re in the room, if I’d known that it would have been impossible.”
Thinking of how focused Jogi is, of the fact that he can get so lost in his own thoughts he can tune out the stands full of 50,000 people around him Hansi can’t keep the smile of his face. There’s nothing he can do to hide how much this amuses him and his smile does not go unnoticed by Jogi.
“What makes you smile like that?”
“Just the thought of me being that distracting.”
“You’re very distracting Hansi.”

Giving the matter some thought Hansi thinks of those times he’s seen Jogi standing there lost in thought, he’d always wondered what Jogi could be thinking about, what it was which could consume him so. He’d tried to ask him once and failed to get a response of any kind, Jogi just looked at him like as if he hadn’t even heard him. So blank was the expression on his face it looked as if Hansi had spoken to him in Russian. In a bid to get Jogi’s attention he did what always worked, placing a hand on his forearm. At the time Hansi thought he’d made a mistake, feeling the way Jogi reacted to his touch he thought he’d startled him. Now Hansi has a very different interpretation of events, that it wasn’t because Jogi was startled he’d reacted that way. Or to be more precise he was but not in a bad way. It’s unlikely Jogi will remember but Hansi has to ask.

“Jogi, can I ask you a question?”
“Yes” replies an obviously worried Jogi.
Placing a hand on his forearm Hansi reassures him “There’s no reason to worry, it’s a perfectly innocent question.” Correcting himself Hansi continues “Well sort of innocent anyway.”
“Hansi, ask your question already.”
“Ok, here goes. Sometimes during matches you off wandering by yourself, you’re standing there so lost in thought that you forget what’s going on around you. At least it looks that way. One time I asked you what you were thinking about and you looked at me like you hadn’t even heard me. So I put a hand on your arm and you jumped, I thought it was because I’d startled you. Now I’m thinking there was another reason.”

Jogi stays quiet so long Hansi starts to think he shouldn’t have asked. The look on Jogi’s face is no help, as he so often is he’s completely unreadable. On the one hand this is a good thing; it should mean he’s not anxious at least. That’s one thing Hansi can be certain about but he doesn’t know whether Jogi’s angry or not. There’s no reason why he should be but that doesn’t stop Hansi from worrying about he might be. He knows from experience that Jogi can be furious and not look it at all. That a blank look can and often is more dangerous than an obviously angry one. Unsure of what to do he asks “Jogi, are you ok?”
“I’m ok, it’s just that’s a lot of words.”
“I didn’t mean to say so much.”
“It’s ok; just give me a minute to think.”
Hansi waits none too patiently as Jogi thinks over his answer though he tries his best to let none of his impatience show. If it does Jogi either doesn’t notice or chooses not to say anything.
“What is it you want to know Hansi?”
“I want to know what you were thinking that time when I put my hand on your arm, if I startled you or not. Why it is you reacted that way.”
“It was nice, feeling your hand resting on my arm, a little too nice. I was worried you would see how much I liked it. I didn’t want to let you do that because I knew I couldn’t ever ask you to do it again.”

Hansi takes such a deep breath of relief that not even Jogi can fail to notice it. He has few words left and even less ability to actually get them out but there is one thing he can do. Something he’s dreamt so long about doing. Nervous but determined Jogi reaches out and places his hand on Hansi’s chest, dead centre where he’s always wanted to put it. So many times has he dreamt about doing this to feel Hansi breathe, so many times during games when Hansi has been so angry that everyone around him can feel exactly how angry he is and not even Jogi can fail to pick up on it. He’d badly wanted to place a hand on Hansi and tell him to take it easy. Feeling where his hand his Hansi puts his hand on top of Jogi’s and to signal his approval he firmly squeezes Jogi’s hand. Finding all the words he can muster Jogi asks “Did I do the right thing?”
Smiling back at him Hansi replies “You did the very best thing, Jogi.”
“I did the right thing” says Jogi quietly, so much so Hansi’s sure he’s not speaking to him at all.

He may be talking to himself but the trace of pride in his voice is unmistakable. It makes Hansi feel unbelievably happy to hear the quiet little way Jogi is taking pride in his correct move. This Hansi can’t hide his reaction to and he makes no effort to try, allowing himself to laugh. Seeing the way Hansi’s eyes light up as he laughs makes Jogi feel equally as happy.
“What’s so funny Hansi?”
“You, you’re so sweet. It’s just funny to think of you at work and then to think of all this.”
“I don’t know what to think, is what you’re saying a good or a bad thing?”
“It’s neither, it just is.”
“What do we do now?”
“Whatever you want, it’s your house and you’re the boss.”
“I’m not the boss when it comes to you, Hansi. When it comes to this, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Most people don’t know at times like this, that’s sort of the fun of it.”
“That doesn’t sound like fun, I have to know what I’m doing and what’s going to happen next. I don’t like the sound of this.”
“Jogi, take it easy. If you let me I’ll show you how the unexpected can be a good thing.”
“You can?”
“I can. Answer me one question, do you trust me?”
“More than anyone else in the world.”
“Ok, then do as I say and close your eyes.”

To Hansi’s surprise Jogi makes no argument and he closes his eyes. But Hansi can see he’s anxious. More to the point he can hear Jogi whispering to himself under his breath, repeating over and over again like a mantra “I can trust Hansi, you can always trust Hansi.” Knowing how scared Jogi must be makes Hansi appreciate all the more what Jogi’s doing for him right now. Following his plan Hansi takes hold of Jogi’s hand and still holding it removes it from his chest, using his other hand he unbuttons the next two buttons of his shirt and places Jogi’s hand back where it was. Feeling the soft sensation of Hansi’s skin Jogi takes a sharp, deep breath and his eyes open immediately. Straight away he meets Hansi’s gaze and so intently is he looking at Hansi it almost hurts. But Hansi doesn’t look away, doing everything he can to hold Jogi’s gaze. From the look in his eyes and on his face Hansi is sure Jogi can’t say a word. So Hansi speaks for him saying “You can trust me, you can always trust Hansi.”
“You can always trust Hansi” repeats Jogi, unable to come up with any words of his own but wanting to say something in reply.

“See, surprises can be a good thing.”
For a moment Jogi says nothing but Hansi doesn’t rush him, he’s content to just enjoy the moment. His patience is rewarded when Jogi begins to speak, asking “Hansi, how do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Make me feel that way.”
“How do you feel?”
“Like I’ve won the World Cup” replies a somewhat breathless Jogi. He pauses then continues “No, that’s not it. It’s better than that. Like I’ve scored the winning goal and you made the pass. Like you’re celebrating with me.”

“Jogi, that’s so, so….” Hansi tails off, unable to finish his sentence or in fact to find any words at all. Just this moment he’s the one who’s breathless. He can’t believe that Jogi’s said all that. Not that he thinks Jogi doesn’t have such feelings or he doesn’t love him that much. More that he’s surprised Jogi could put it into words, Mr expressive he’s not. Well not with words anyway. On the matter of words Hansi still can’t find any. Realising he still can’t find the ability to speak Hansi thinks about putting his mouth to a very different use. As much as he wants to he’s hesitant to actually do so. He’s not at all sure how Jogi would react were he to kiss him. He’s not sure if Jogi’s ready for such things. Cautiously Hansi moves his free hand up to Jogi’s face and gently strokes his cheek. When Jogi makes no protest Hansi moves his hand over to Jogi’s ear and begins to run his fingers over the hair which grows down over it. Looking into Jogi’s eyes the whole time Hansi has no clue if Jogi’s picked up on his intentions or not, if he knows what he’s trying to ask him. But Jogi doesn’t look scared or worried either and Hansi’s sure he would know if he did. Not seeing any such look in his eyes Hansi allows his hand to make the final move, to slip his hand down onto the back of Jogi’s neck and slowly moves it upwards towards his hair.

After a few seconds he plucks up the courage and moves in to do what he’s being meaning to do ever since he greeted Jogi at the door a few hours ago. Hansi knows what he’s about to do but it doesn’t help make it any less scary. Nevertheless he realises he needs to be the one to do this. Jogi would most likely never be able to make such a move, to take the initiative and overcome his terror of not knowing what he’s doing. Taking one final deep breath Hansi still holding on to Jogi’s other hand leans into him and softly but firmly places his lips on his. It’s just a few seconds but it feels so much longer. Contained in those few seconds are all those moments he and Jogi shared, all those looks Hansi thought he’d imagined, all the times he’d put his hand on Jogi’s bare arm. All those times he wanted to never let go. Pulling back he looks into Jogi’s eyes to see a look not unlike one he’d seen during so many of those moments he was sure he’d imagined. This look right here however is most definitely not a product of his imagination, there is no doubt this is real. Though somehow it feels all too perfect for it to be real, as if something this good and wonderful simply could not truly be real. Almost as if Jogi himself is too perfect to exist, let along belong to him.

Seeing the look in his eyes Hansi knows he’s done the right thing and he recognises the look in Jogi’s eyes. He’s seen a similar look before but it hadn’t been directed at a person then. The one-time Hansi had seen such a look on Jogi’s face it was at a museum and he’d been gazing at the European Championship trophy. The one they don’t have in their collection. Only then Hansi could remember seeing such a look of reverence in Jogi’s eyes, until now that is. As breathless as he was before making his move Hansi can’t say a word to Jogi. They stand there for a few minutes just looking into each other’s eyes. Hansi is still holding Jogi’s hand in place on his chest and his other hand is still on the back of Jogi’s neck, gently playing with his hair. Jogi for his part places his hand on the back of Hansi’s neck and begins to do the same thing. Eventually he sums up the courage to speak and slowly he tells Hansi “I guess that’s the other trophy then.”
Confused a little Hansi asks “What do you mean?”
“If being touched by your hand feels like winning the World Cup then being kissed by you feels like winning the European Championship. Though as much as I want that trophy, I don’t think it could feel as good as this.”
“Jogi, where are you finding all these words?”
“I don’t really know, I think you helped me find them. Like you always do, Hansi always helps” replies a shyly smiling Jogi.
“My sweet little Jogi, I never thought you’d be such a wordsmith.”
“I’m not, you make me good at this.”

So distracted had Jogi been by the conversation he’d forgotten all about getting undressed, until Hansi reminded him of it. His hand on the back of Jogi’s neck he allows the tips of his fingers to slip inside the collar of his shirt. It’s only when he’s done so does he remember he shouldn’t be able to do this. Taking Jogi’s words about being the boss to heart Hansi without saying a word begins to unbutton Jogi’s shirt. So fast does he move he’s halfway down before Jogi even knows what’s going on. When he is aware of what Hansi’s doing he makes no move to stop him, trusting him to keep to his word. He remains equally silent when Hansi helps him out his shirt and when he undoes his belt. He makes no objection because he has none. For the longest time he’s dreamed about being undressed by Hansi and now his dream is coming true. Hansi takes as much time as he possibly can completing the task and looks almost disappointed when he’s done. He won’t feel that way for long for what comes next is even better. Sitting on the sofa he allows Jogi to snuggle up next to him and when Jogi takes hold of his arm and drapes it over his bare chest he’s as happy as can be. Even more so when Jogi takes hold of his hand again. They lie there like this in a most comfortable silence for a little while, Hansi enjoying having his hand so close to Jogi’s unbearably soft skin. Some things really are as wonderful as you imagined them to be and this is most definitely one of them. After some more time has passed Jogi quietly asks “What do you want do to now Hansi?”
In an equally contented voice Hansi answers “Nothing, I’m happy right here. This is all I ever wanted.”
“Me too, Hansi, me too.”
Thinking over how content he is Hansi decides actually there is something he’d like to do. Taking advantage of how distracted Jogi is Hansi removes his hand from his chest before he even knows it’s gone. He then does what he feels so compelled to do, reaching up to Jogi’s hair he slightly moves back his fringe in the same way he’d done so earlier. For his part Jogi responds exactly the same way too, though he’s not really complaining when he says “You didn’t need to do that.”
Instead of replying with words Hansi does what he’d wanted to do then but hadn’t yet summoned up the courage to do. This time no build-up play is required, Hansi doesn’t feel the need to prepare Jogi for what he’s about to do. Instead he gets right to the point and kisses him in the same gentle manner as a few moments ago. Lying back down next to Jogi and returning his hand to his chest Hansi whispers “Now that I did need to do.”

Verbotene Liebe – the aftermath – Part 1

It’s not birthday themed but it is a pretty special one. It turned out to be a little longer than I originally intended as well, hence why it’s posted in two parts. This follows on from the very first piece I wrote, the beginning I’d already written and posted previously but I thought seeing as how it turned out to be so long it deserved to be posted in it’s entirety.

In the moments following Jogi’s surprise arrival, the two of them stood there in silence, merely gazing into each other’s eyes. Nobody moved, the air was still, silent but for the sound of Jogi breathing. In that moment neither of them needed to say anything and neither of them needed to move. They were not standing right next to each other, Hansi still by the door and Jogi frozen in place just outside. They did not need to be, they had shared the same space for countless hours, at matches and conferences and training sessions. Their closeness was already such that they didn’t need to be close together now.
When movement did occur it was Jogi who made the first move, walking slowly but purposefully towards Hansi. Hansi put out his hand which met Jogi’s chest as he approached, not to stop him but as a reminder of all the times he had done so previously, as a sign that those moments had not gone unnoticed or un-cherished by him. This time he was not stopping him from doing something stupid, this time when Jogi stopped upon feeling Hansi’s hand he reached up and took it and let Hansi lead him into the house.

There were so many things to talk about, so many things that needed to be said, so many questions about so many moments that Hansi wanted to ask. Maybe because there were so many things to say, they ended up saying very little to each other. Neither of them knew where to start. Jogi usually so commanding and decisive was helpless, he may have been the one who phoned Hansi and driven here but he had no clue as to what would happen next. The man who always had a plan, who thought of every possible eventuality had none here. Just as on the pitch when he needed a new idea he turned to Hansi, ever reliable Hansi who always knew what to do and say so that he could figure out what to do next.

He looked up at Hansi who was still standing, having led Jogi to sit on the sofa. Instead of sitting next to him Hansi had remained standing there, one of his hands still holding his and the other caressing his hair. As Jogi looked up at him, Hansi had let go of Jogi’s hand and started to turn away, suddenly aware that he was still in his pyjamas and intending to go and get dressed. Indecisive he may have been in regards to everything else but here Jogi knew what he wanted, he was not going to let Hansi go anywhere, not just yet. He grabbed hold of his hand, pulling him towards him. Before he knew what was happening Hansi found himself sitting next to Jogi on the sofa, so quickly and without warning had Jogi pulled him over that Hansi was almost sitting on top of him.

Feeling Hansi close to him, Jogi pulled him even closer, so close that he could smell his hair and so that Hansi could nestle his head into his chest. Jogi loved how sweet Hansi looked right now, in his t-shirt and shorts, his hair still a little messy and the sleep that he hadn’t time to rub out of his eyes yet.
He lay back, allowing Hansi to snuggle up to him, the perfect position for him to fall asleep. They remained there like that for a while, not saying anything or doing anything. Jogi was wide awake the whole time; he wanted to remember every moment of this. Hansi still not fully woken up yet and basking in the warmth Jogi provided could not help but drift back into the sleep that he had not long ago woken up from. Every so often he would wake up with a start, as if he was unsure whether or not the morning’s events had been a dream or had really happened. Each time he awoke with a start Jogi was there to remind him that it was real and to tighten his grip on his hand.

After lying there for some time Hansi decides that getting dressed may be a good idea, that is if he can convince Jogi to let go of him. Getting up Hansi attempts to free himself from Jogi’s grasp.
“Please don’t leave, Hansi.”
“Jogi, I’m not leaving you, I’ll never leave you. And besides, we’re at my house, remember?”
“Hansi’s house, we’re at Hansi’s house” answers Jogi, more to himself than anything else. Hearing how Jogi repeats himself this way Hansi knows he’s not going to let go of him anytime soon.
“I have a better idea, how about you come with me to get dressed?”
“Will you let me dress you?”
“Anything you want, Jogi.”
“So if I want to spend the rest of the day by your side I can?”
“You can, I meant it. I’m not leaving you.”
This time when Hansi attempts to get up Jogi not only allows him to but he gets up as well. Hansi makes his way upstairs with Jogi trailing behind him, still holding on to his hand. Only when they get to his room does Jogi let go. Standing there in front of the wardrobe Jogi need not say a word for Hansi to know what he wants, just like at work he knows exactly what he’s thinking. It’s one of those times Hansi knows what Jogi’s thinking even before he knows himself.
“Dressing me isn’t enough, is it? You want to pick my clothes too?”
“Can I do that?”
“Like I said, whatever you want.”

Jogi doesn’t say a word in reply but no words are required for Hansi to know how happy he is. There’s no trace of happiness on his face either, at least not for other people to see. You have to know Jogi like Hansi does to know he’s happy right now. It’s the kind of thing you can only know after spending so much time with someone, after being by their side day in day out, year after year. The kind of thing you learn without even knowing you’re learning. Just like Hansi knows not say a word to Jogi as he picks out his clothes for him. Knowing Jogi as he does he’s more than aware talking to him would be futile, that he won’t hear a single word you’re saying.

So Hansi stays quiet as Jogi begins the process of undressing him, not even when Jogi pauses to leave his hand in a most pleasing place does he say anything. He’d like to but he keeps quiet, instead looking appreciatively at Jogi. Hansi stays equally quiet when Jogi dresses him, just enjoying the moment whilst it lasts. Only when he’s sure Jogi is finished does he say what he’s thinking.
“You want to spend all day by my side; you could always spend the night here too, if you want.”
The look on Jogi’s face makes Hansi wish he hadn’t said a word of this but he doesn’t know why. He really can’t work out where he’s gone wrong, nor what could make Jogi look so panicked. It’s an expression Hansi’s familiar with, that’s not the problem. The problem is he’s not used to being the one who makes that look appear on Jogi’s face, he’s usually the one who fixes it. With no answer forthcoming from Jogi he asks “Did I say something wrong?”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You need a minute to think?”
“No, more time won’t help.”
“Are you worried about being too blunt?”
“Forget about that; just tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I can’t stay here.”
“It makes you unhappy, and I don’t want to make you unhappy but I can’t stay here, I can’t sleep here. Not without, without….”

In the silence Hansi works it out what he’s done wrong, what it is that’s made Jogi panic so much. Now it’s so obvious to him he wonders he could ever have made such a mistake. Caught up in the excitement of the moment he’d completely forgotten just who is standing in front of him, just who it is that he’s dealing with.
“Jogi, I’m sorry, I should never have said that. That was really stupid of me. Asking you to sleep here, just springing it on you like this, I know better. It’s just all of this is so new, I really didn’t think.”
“You understand?”
“Of course.”
“You understand it’s not because of you, that it’s not because I don’t want to be with you?”
“Trust me; I know it’s not that. It’s because it’s a surprise.”
“Not just that.”
“What else?”
“This is scary, Hansi.”
“I know, it’s scary for me too. Exciting but still scary.”
“I don’t want to get this wrong.”
“There’s nothing to get wrong, not here. It’s not the kind of thing you do right or wrong. This is not the time or place for you to be worrying about perfectionism.”
“I really don’t want to get this wrong.”
“You won’t, don’t worry.”
“What do we do now?”
“This is unusual.”
“It is?”
“Yes, normally you always know what to do; you never ask me so directly for help that way. Normally you just need a word or a push in the right direction; you’re never asking me for help like this.”
“Am I getting it wrong?”
“Jogi, relax, you’re not getting it wrong.”
“I’m annoying you now, aren’t I?”
“No, never. Listen to me, I know you, I know what you’re like, I know all your quirks. Better than anyone else in the world I know all of this, and I love you anyway. Just please stop worrying so much.”
“I can’t help that.”
“I know. How about we just sit here for a while?”
“That’s all?”
“That’s all, whatever you want.”
“We can talk too, right?”
“Yes, we can talk.”

Hansi is plenty used to Jogi and all his strange little ways. He hadn’t been lying when he said any of that. Used to it he may be but it still makes him smile how literal Jogi is. He doesn’t know or understand why exactly, all he knows is it never fails to make him smile.
Taking hold of Jogi’s hand he leads him over to the bed, he sits down but Jogi doesn’t follow. Instead he stands there nervously holding on to Hansi’s hand.
“Jogi, are you ok?”
“I’m ok.”
“You want to come and sit here with me?”
“Come on then.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Being that close to you, it’s….”
“It’s what? I don’t understand, you just spent half the morning lying next to me on the sofa. You must have hugged me a thousand times, it’s no different.”
“It’s different, it’s very different.”
“I’m in Hansi’s house; this is your room and your bed. I’ve spent so much time dreaming about this, it has to be perfect.”
“I told you to stop thinking about it that way. It’ll be whatever it is, whatever it’s meant to be.”

Cautiously Jogi sits down next to Hansi on the bed but doesn’t move any closer to him. Hansi wants to wrap his arms around him, to pull him close and to lie back with him in his arms. Yet he doesn’t, he can feel it’s not quite right. For whatever reason Jogi’s not ready. Despite what he said to Jogi he wants it to be perfect too, so he waits until he feels like Jogi is starting to relax a little. Though he soon realises he may be in a for a long wait because it occurs to him Jogi rarely if ever truly relaxes, not in front of other people, not when he’s aware other people are there. Only when he forgets his surroundings and that there’s anyone else there has Hansi ever seen him truly relaxed. That and those early mornings in the summer when he got up to watch him run by himself. He probably shouldn’t ask but he can’t help himself. Never before has he felt able to ask such questions, in fact never before has he seriously thought about asking them. He’s wondered about these things but it’s never occurred to Hansi to ask about them or to give them any serious thought. It’s only now he’s beginning to do so. Partly because of the way in which everything is changing, not being by Jogi’s side anymore is making him question things he’s never given a second thought to. Today’s events are making him do this all the more.

“Jogi, you always worry so much. You’re always so nervous around other people, why?”
“Because I don’t know what they’re thinking.”
“You mean you don’t know if you’ve done something wrong?”
“If I promise to always tell you when you’ve made a mistake, would that make you feel better?”
“I’d rather not make any mistakes to begin with.”
“I know but I can’t do anything about that.”
“It might help.”
“You want a Hansi hug now?”
“A Hansi hug” repeats a clearly amused Jogi.
“You like that?”
“Very much, a Hansi hug. Yes, I’d like one. It’s just strange, normally when I hug you there’s no time to think about it.”
“Don’t think about it, just do it. Whenever you’re ready.”
Jogi sits there awkwardly for another few minutes before eventually allowing Hansi to wrap his arms around him. It’s a little strange at first, a little uncomfortable. But when he allows Hansi to fully wrap his arms around him it feels right, as if it’s where he’s meant to be. Soon enough Jogi is curled up next to him and without saying a word or asking his permission Hansi is running his fingers through his hair. Without thinking he says “This is perfect, I could stay here forever.”

In response to his words straight away Hansi can feel Jogi tense up slightly, he tries to hide it but he can’t hide anything from Hansi.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m not staying here tonight, right?”
“Not unless you want to, I didn’t mean that. It was just; I just need to pick my words better.”
“It’s nice sitting here like this with you.”
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to but would it make it easier if we were in your room right now? Would it be easier for us to sleep in your bed?”
“You want to sleep in my bed?”
“No, I mean yes. I… This isn’t easy.”
“You’re getting confused.”
“I am, I don’t want to say the wrong thing.”
“Just tell me what you’re thinking.”
“I was thinking that being in a familiar place would be easier for you. I’m not saying we have to, I was just wondering if us sleeping in your bed would be easier, if you would be a little less anxious.”
“It might be easier. But I’m not sure I can do that, not yet.”
“There’s no rush, I can wait.”
“You’re always patient with me, even when everyone else gets frustrated. You’re always patient, you always know what to do and say.”
“Usually yes.”
“But not here?”
“This is new, for both of us. I know this is strange for you but I don’t have all the answers here. I’m almost as lost as you are. But we’ll find our way together. I can still help you, and you can help me.”
“I never need to help you.”
“You do, you just don’t know it.”
“How do I help you?”
“Just by being you. With you I always know I can count on you saying exactly what you mean, that you’ll always be truthful even when the other person doesn’t want to hear it. That you’ll never tell me what you think I want to hear.”
“But that’s only because I never know what someone might want to hear.”
“Maybe so, but I still appreciate it.”
“You’re not angry that I can’t sleep here with you?”
“No, I’d like you to. I’ve wanted you to be here for a long time. But I’ve waited all those years, a few more days won’t hurt me any.”
“What if it takes longer than that?”
“Then I’ll wait, whatever you need. Just don’t forget to tell me what’s going on with you. I need to know how you feel, ok?”
“You know I’m not good at this, that’s why you’re reminding me.”
“Yes, is it ok for me to remind you like this?”
“It’s fine. I’m really not good at these things; I don’t think I can say what I want to say. I’m not sure I can say how I feel.”
“You’ve already said the most important thing of all, anything else can wait. I can wait.”
“But I want to be able to tell you those things. I want to tell you how I feel about you, how I’ve felt since that very first day, how happy it makes me when you hug me. About all the times I dreamed about you and wished you were here.”
“Forget about all that for the moment. All that matters is you’re here now.”
“That’s enough?”
“It’s more than enough. You don’t need to be able to say anything more, not now, not today.”

What’s left of the morning passes in a peaceful silence, Hansi sitting there with Jogi curled up against him. The whole time Hansi kept running his fingers through Jogi’s hair. Jogi had been worried about not being able to tell Hansi how he feels and Hansi can understand how he feels but unlike Jogi he’s not worried about it. Sitting here with Jogi he’s happier than he’s ever been, happier than words could ever do justice to. Jogi’s not the only one having difficulty putting his feelings into words. Hansi would love to tell Jogi how glad he is that he came over here and how unbelievably happy he feels to have his arms wrapped around him. It’s not only because he’d prefer not to interrupt the silence Hansi chooses to remain quiet. He’s not sure there are any words which could adequately describe how he feels. Thinking it over it occurs to Hansi how strange it is to be sitting here in silence with Jogi. Not only that but sitting here comfortably. Hansi knows Jogi about as well as someone can know another person. He knows all his quirks and what makes him nervous or uncomfortable. He’s well acquainted with how awkward Jogi finds silences, even with people he knows. So Hansi understands how big a deal this is.

His thoughts turning to the morning’s events and what Jogi said Hansi wonders what Jogi’s plans are for the rest of the day. If indeed he has any plans. Jogi always has a plan for everything but this is the one thing he can’t plan for. For the time being Hansi keeps his thoughts to himself, wanting to enjoy the silence for as long as possible. More to the point he wants to keep hold of Jogi for as long as possible. Only when he felt like he couldn’t begin to feel his arms anymore did Hansi admit defeat and let go of Jogi. Looking up at Hansi confusedly Jogi asks “Why’d you let go?”
“I had to, it’s the only reason I’d ever let go of you.”
Looking at his watch Hansi works out how long they’ve been sitting there. Realising the time he enquires “Jogi, are you hungry?”
“I am if you are” is Jogi’s none too helpful reply.
“Seriously, yes or no?”
“Then let’s go eat.”
Offering his hand Jogi replies “I go where you go.”

Hansi takes Jogi’s hand but stays where he is. Looking Jogi up and down Hansi can’t keep the smile off his face. Noticing the smile but not picking up on Hansi’s none too subtle eyeing of him Jogi nervously asks “What are you thinking?”
Still grinning Hansi answers “It’s just so strange, seeing you like this. Your hair all messed up and your shirt crumpled and almost un-tucked. All those times at work your shirt was un-tucked I wanted to fix it for you.”
“And you can” smiles Jogi.”
“And now I can” smiles Hansi back as he gets started on the task in question. Without saying a word he straightens out Jogi’s shirt and smoothes out the creases in his trousers. He takes his time, enjoying every single moment but it’s the final part of the job he saves the most attention for. Looking into Jogi’s eyes Hansi begins to fix his hair. Taking all the time in the world he finally slightly moves back Jogi’s fringe as he’s watched him do so many times. Taking hold of Hansi’s hand once more Jogi comments “You didn’t need to do that.”
“No, I didn’t. I just felt like it. Do you mind?”
“Not at all” smiles Jogi contentedly.

For a moment Hansi can do nothing but gaze at Jogi smiling, it’s all too easy for him to get lost in Jogi’s wonderful smile and the look of dreamy contentedness in his eyes. He only snaps out of it when he feels Jogi taking a tighter grip of his hand. Pulling himself together Hansi gets up from the bed and apologises saying “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you wait.”
“It’s ok, I’ve waited for what feels like forever for you, a few more minutes won’t hurt.”
Knowing full well just how impatient Jogi can be Hansi asks “You’re not at all impatient right now?”
“No, I’m here with Hansi, that’s all that matters.”

Keeping hold of Jogi’s hand Hansi leads him downstairs and out to the kitchen. Along the way he ponders how relaxed Jogi is, it’s certainly at odds with the highly strung and very impatient perfectionist he’s well acquainted with. It’s not often he gets to see him like this and it makes him happier than he can describe to realise he’s the reason. On the way down Hansi kept his thoughts to himself and they remain silent as he makes lunch for them both. Though he takes great pleasure in observing the way Jogi can’t take his eyes off him. He’s certainly not subtle about it, but then why should he be. From now on he no longer needs to hide how much he loves to watch Hansi. It’s no longer necessary to hide his ever wandering gaze or to keep his looks of longing to himself. Jogi keeps watching Hansi even when he puts the plates down on the table and sits across from him. It continues to fascinate Hansi how Jogi was so nervous not that long ago and now he’s so relaxed. Hansi wonders if Jogi’s even noticed the sandwich in front of him. Curious as to what he’s thinking Hansi asks “Jogi, what’s with you?”
“It’s just strange, being here with you.”
“You’ve eaten here lots of times.”
“I have, but this is different.”
“How so?”
“Before I couldn’t do this” replies Jogi as he reaches across the table and places his hand on Hansi’s.
“You’re right” is Hansi’s reply before he intertwines their fingers.
For the time being their lunch lays forgotten as Hansi enjoys having Jogi close to him once more. Eventually he knows he has to let go, yet he refrains from actually doing so. Leaving it to Jogi to point out “You have to let go of me now.”
“I never want to let go of you.”
“I wish you’d told me that a long time ago.”
“Things happen for a reason, even if we can’t see it. This was meant to happen now, in a sense it’s a good thing I left.”
“You may right about everything else but you’re wrong about that, don’t say that. I let you go but you leaving could never be a good thing.”
“Even though it helped lead to this?”
“Yes. It might have been what needed to happen but I’ll never say or think it’s a good thing.”

All of a sudden Jogi lets go of Hansi’s hand, for a moment Hansi thinks about grabbing it back but he quickly comes to the conclusion it’s not a move he should make nor would Jogi respond well to it. Not a word more is said as they begin to eat their lunch. Not until out of nowhere and without even looking up Jogi asks “What’s next Hansi?”
“You mean with us?”
“No, today, what’s next today?”
“Whatever you want.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“You can stay here if you want or we can go to your place, really I don’t mind. I’m happy with whatever you want.”
“You won’t be offended if I don’t want to stay here?”
“Not at all.”

Returning to eating his sandwich Jogi says nothing further but Hansi can tell he’s thinking something over. He’d prefer to just ask him straight out what he’s thinking but he’s well aware rushing Jogi never helps. Thus he waits not at all patiently for Jogi to share what’s on his mind. It takes a few more minutes of silence before Jogi asks “What about after that?”
“I don’t know, we’ll just see what happens.”
“No, that’s not good enough, it’s not right. I need a plan now.”
“Can’t we just wing it?”
“Absolutely not.”
Placing his hand next to Jogi’s but not actually taking hold of it; merely giving him the option Hansi reminds him “You can trust me; you’ll be safe with Hansi.”
“Don’t put it like that.”
“What’s wrong?”
“You make it sound like I don’t trust you enough, it’s not about that.”
“Listen to me, I didn’t mean that. I know you trust me. But you haven’t had a plan for any of this so far and you’ve survived, maybe you can get through the rest of it without a plan too.”
“You think so?”
“I think I don’t need any more of a plan than knowing I’m going to spend the rest of the day with you.”
“You’ll keep me out trouble, won’t you? Same as always.”
Smiling suggestively Hansi replies “Actually I think I may want to get you into trouble.”
Jogi says nothing in reply, he doesn’t have to. No words are needed to express his amusement at Hansi’s choice of reply. The look in his eyes is enough to tell Hansi how much he appreciates what he said. It’s the look in Jogi’s eyes Hansi is thinking about as they finish their lunch, it’s what Hansi’s still thinking about even afterwards. No matter what else he tries to think about he can’t stop picturing the glint in Jogi’s eyes and the playful look on his face.

My Plan is not to Have a Plan/Jogi’s Winter Soldier Surprise

Thanks, Hindsight

How is the year shaping up for you so far? Have your predictions come true, or did you have to face a curve ball or two?

Seeing as how my plan for this year was in the words of August “not to have a plan” I don’t really have any predictions to be right about. In a way I guess that means everything is a curve ball in a sense, though some things are more of a surprise than others. Like my recent interest in the winter soldier. If anyone had told me I would get anything close to a new obsession this year I wouldn’t have believed them at all. Especially if they predicted me getting a film related interest. Whilst it’s a surprise it’s not new. CA:TWS was part of a previous interest, my thankfully short lived fascination with Thomas Kretschmann. I wonder if there’s a reason for that, maybe I’ve run out of potential interests and that’s why. Or maybe it has nothing to do with it, perhaps it’s like Lester in The Wire says “and all the pieces matter.” Maybe I had to go through the Kretschmann fascination in order to get to Bucky. If that’s the case then I have no complaints.

As for how the year is shaping up, I don’t really know. I’m trying not to think too much about it. I’m just trying to write as much as I can and to have some fun. I’m not all keen on the prospect of reflecting on things anyway but even if I were today would not be a good day for it. For the first time all season Freiburg have lost two games in a row. Losing to Bochum was unpleasant but not entirely unpalatable, losing to Fortuna Düsseldorf on the other hand, that really smarts. Both Frantz and Petersen are back from injury but it wasn’t enough. Nor was Grifo’s equaliser in the form of a penalty. Shame they lost, it ruined what was otherwise a very touching moment. Petersen takes all of Freiburg’s penalties but he didn’t start, leaving Grifo to take it. After scoring he ran to the touchline in order to celebrate with Petersen:

Vincenzo_Grifo_Nils_Petersen_celebrate_SC_Freiburg_v_Fortuna_D_sseldorfVincenzo Grifo & Nils Petersen celebrate – SC Freiburg v Fortuna Düsseldorf 1 Vincenzo Grifo & Nils Petersen celebrate – SC Freiburg v Fortuna Düsseldorf 2 Vincenzo Grifo & Nils Petersen celebrate – SC Freiburg v Fortuna Düsseldorf 3That defeat certainly puts a damper on an otherwise fairly good weekend. A Hansi video on Friday and a Jogi one on Saturday, plus Köln’s exciting 3-1 win over Eintracht Frankfurt and to top it off winning a very rare signed Freiburg picture of Jogi. It’s not a good time for Freiburg to lose, they could have taken advantage of RB Leipzig losing yesterday and cut the gap between them to three points. If Nürnberg beat Bochum tomorrow, they’ll move into second place. It’s odd, I have to root for Bochum to win which is a very strange feeling.

Despite that I’m trying not to despair. I planned on posting this today anyhow but now I need to, I need something to brighten up the rest of the day. It’s part of a longer story which I’m not sure I want to post, but this part I most definitely do want to. On the subject of predictions, if I had made any I would never have made this one. That I would not only end up writing about the winter soldier but bringing him into a Jogi story. It’s probably the most adventurous one I’ve written so far, the story in question is about their first weekend away together. But I’ve not even got to that part, I’m having a lot of fun dragging it out. As it turns out there’s plenty of fun to be had before even getting to the main event.

“Do I make you nervous?”
“No, not anymore.”
“When did I stop making you nervous?”
“At work, never. Because I was always worried about you working it out.”
“And here?”
“A few months after you moved in, it took a while to get used to you being here.”
“So I don’t make you nervous anymore?”
“No, you’re the one who stops me from feeling nervous around other people. Just like you did at work, I’m always safe when Hansi’s there.”
“I’m your protector, right?”
“Right. You’re my winter solider.”
“Your what?”
“Winter soldier.”
“I heard you the first time, what is that?”
“If you don’t know I’m not telling you.”
“Come on, tell me. Please.”
“You protect me; you keep me out of trouble.”
“Same as I’ve always done. So this winter soldier of yours, he protects people too?”
“Sort of. But Hansi, he’s not mine though sometimes I think I’d like him to be.”
“I thought only I belonged to you.”
“You haven’t seen the winter soldier; you might want him to belong to you too.”
“I don’t think so, you’re enough for me. Is there anyone else you like that I should know about?”
“Not really, just Thor.”
“The Norse god, I’m expected to compete with a god?”
“No, not the Norse god. Asgardian Thor.”
“Ok, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you pay attention when you watch films with me?”
“Honestly, no. It’s a little hard to concentrate.”
“Because of you” replies Hansi incredulously, unable to work out if Jogi is toying with him or not. The answer is of course obvious. How can Hansi focus on a film when Jogi is lying all curled up next to him, even worse is knowing that were he to do anything Jogi would push his hands away. Knowing full well how distracting Hansi’s hands can be he won’t let him have any fun. Jogi’s next question makes it clear he has no clue what Hansi’s talking about.
“What do you think about then?”
“About you, all the things I’d like to do you.”
“Are you always thinking about that?”
“Not always, but usually when I’m close to you.”
“Are you thinking those things when we’re around other people?”
“You mean like at work or at matches?”
“At work I don’t allow myself to think of you because I’d never get anything done. At matches, yes I let myself dream about you.”
“What do you dream about?”
“About taking you home and undressing you. It’s kind of your own fault.”
“How is it my fault?”

Hansi takes a minute before answering, thinking carefully about how to phrase himself. What he’s really thinking about he’s not sure he wants to say, maybe telling Jogi how distracting he finds his choice of trousers is not the best thing to do. But that’s exactly what Hansi would love to tell Jogi, that he loves his choice of attire, all of it. He’d love to tell him that he loves his suits and his perfectly fitting trousers. He especially loves thinking of how smooth the fabric is, of working his way up Jogi’s leg and then helping him out of them. When he really misses Jogi he likes to think about every last little detail. Of undoing Jogi’s belt and un-tucking his shirt. And then finally doing what makes him happiest of all, so happy that he forgets everything else exists. Before actually beginning to undress him Hansi likes to remind himself just how soft Jogi’s skin is. When he loosens Jogi’s trousers he then likes to let his hand come to rest there for just a moment. It reminds him of all the times they’re out and he has to make do with getting close to Jogi in any way he can.

Fresh in his mind is the dinner they were at a few weeks ago and the creative way he’d made his own entertainment. Bored and daydreaming of Jogi he’d put his hand under the table and slightly un-tucking his shirt he’d let his hand come to rest there just above his belt. It’s not where he’d like to have his hand but if he went any lower then Jogi wouldn’t be able to contain himself and he if moved his hand further upwards it would be too noticeable. So Hansi had to content himself with resting his hand on Jogi’s stomach, it took everything he had to keep his hand still and to refrain from softly moving his fingers across Jogi’s skin. Eventually he’d been unable to resist and he’d allowed himself the pleasure of slightly moving his fingers across Jogi’s unbelievably soft skin. As well has having his own enjoyment in mind part of Hansi just wanted to see how Jogi would react, to see if he could contain himself and prevent himself from showing his pleasure in a way which he really shouldn’t do in front of other people. Somehow Jogi did manage to prevent such a thing and he smiled knowingly at Hansi, as if he knew what he was getting at and expecting. Whilst Jogi remained silent he could do nothing about the deep breath he took. Hansi didn’t need to move his hand further upwards to feel just how deep a breath Jogi took. He could not fail to notice.

Here and now however he notices nothing, not least the fact Jogi’s annoyed with him and extremely impatient to get the answer to his question. Moving his hand upwards and letting it come to rest on Hansi’s chest Jogi asks “Is this the only way I can get you attention?”
“I’m sorry, Jogi. I just got lost in thought.”
“What’s more important than answering me?”
“I was thinking about you, about your trousers.”
“What about them?”
“Put it like this way, my life would be a lot easier if you dressed like you did when you were in charge of Stuttgart, if you wore those absurdly ill fitting baggy trousers you wore then.”
“I managed to spend eight years by your side and not get distracted by such things. Surely you can control yourself.”
“I’m trying, Jogi. It’s not easy; do you have any idea how delectable you are?”
“No, but I know how tempting you were and still are. I managed not to think about your thighs, your shoulders and the fact I wished your shirt didn’t fit you quite so well. I managed not to take too long looking at you when you got up and stood in front of me. I kept all those thoughts for later, for when I was alone in my room.”
Teasingly Hansi quips “So that’s why you liked to be alone after games.”
“What? No, I didn’t mean it like that” replies a somewhat embarrassed Jogi.
“Relax, I was just kidding. I’m sure you were hard at work.”
“Is that another joke?” asks a still suspicious Jogi.
“No, it wasn’t a joke” answers Hansi not entirely truthfully.
“So it’s my fault I’m so distracting because I dress too well?”
“Something like that.”
“Well you can blame Klinsi and Oliver for that.”
“You mean I’ve got them to thank.”
“But it distracts you.”
“Yes, but I never said it was a bad thing. If I’m going to be distracted by something I’d want it to be you. Do you daydream about me or do you think about your winter solider?”
“I think about you too and him.”
“What’s so special about him?”
“His hair, it’s so long and he looks so intense. His eyes are just so… I don’t know how to put it.”
Feeling the deep breath Jogi took and the way he sighed as his sentence tailed off Hansi can’t help but tease him saying “I thought I was the only one who could make you do that.”
Picking up on the teasing tone of Hansi’s words Jogi playfully replies “Don’t worry, Hansi. I’m sure there’s plenty of things you can do. Your hair may not be as long as his but you’re perfect the way you are.”
“We’re going to have fun tomorrow, you know that?”
“I know. Goodnight Hansi.”
“Stay out of trouble Jogi.”
Altering his usual answer a little Jogi replies “I won’t be able to do that tomorrow night.”

The Day of Matze: Jogi & Hansi’s little Freiburger

Normally Jogi only has eyes for Hansi but not today. Today Jogi only has eyes for his sweet little Matze. All day he’s barely left his side and then only when Hansi made him. So focused is Jogi on Matze that Hansi’s sure he could take his shirt off right here and now and Jogi wouldn’t notice at all.

When it came to putting Matze to bed Jogi was every bit as intractable as he had been the rest of the day. Instead of putting Matze in his cot as he was meant to he was lying with him on the bed. Seeing the two of them there looking adorable as each other Hansi didn’t want to disturb them but he has no choice. For one thing the way Jogi’s stretched out on the bed has left no room for him. Despite this Hansi has no desire to make him get up, not just yet. He wants to enjoy having them both so close for a little while. So he sits next to Jogi on the bed and lets one hand come to rest in Jogi’s favourite place. With the other he gently rearranges and tidies Jogi’s hair.

Sitting here and laying a hand on Jogi probably wasn’t the best idea. Because now Hansi’s here he doesn’t want to let go of Jogi. Same as he doesn’t want to let go of Matze. Or to be more precise Matze won’t let go of Jogi. Just this minute one of his unbelievably tiny little hands has a tight a grip as he can on one of Jogi’s fingers. With his other hand Jogi is softly tracing an outline of Matze from head to toe, as if he’s afraid to actually touch him.

Feeling how tired Jogi is and seeing the way he’s fighting to keep his eyes open Hansi has to admit defeat and tell him to go to bed. In a bid to get his attention Hansi doesn’t address him directly, instead he half whispers to Matze “You need to let go of your Papa Jogi now, he needs to sleep.”
Hearing this Jogi turns slightly towards Hansi and smiles appreciatively at him.
“Just five more minutes, please.”
“No, you need to sleep, now. Matze will still be here in the morning and he’ll be just as perfect then.”
“No he won’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’ll be even more perfect tomorrow. He’s just like you, he gets more perfect every day.”
“That’s sweet and all the more reason for you to go to bed.”
“Let me keep Matze here.”
“No, no way. I know you, do something once and it becomes routine.”
“I don’t want to be away from him.”
“He won’t be that far away, you can see him from here.”
“Will you put him to bed for me?”
“Are you sure? His first night home, I thought you’d want to do it.”
“I’m too tired to move. You can do it, I trust you. You take good care of me; you’ll take good care of Matze of too.”
“Ok, I’ll do it. Say goodnight to him first.”
“Goodnight Matze. Hansi’s little Matze, be good for him.”

Before he picks up Matze first Hansi runs his fingers through Jogi’s hair, it’s impossible to be so close to Jogi and not do so. Picking Matze up from the bed Hansi watches as Matze’s little hand unfurls itself from around Jogi’s finger. Keeping his eyes fixed on Jogi he then watches Jogi begin to fall asleep. To a sleeping Matze he quietly says “Typical, now I have two of you to put to bed.”

Putting Matze in his cot and tucking him in Hansi then turns his attention back to Jogi. Hansi could make his life easier by waking Jogi up but seeing how adorable he looks he simply can’t bear to wake him. Two things are clear to Hansi. Firstly, whether he wants to or not he has to move Jogi. If he doesn’t there’ll be no space for him on the bed. Jogi may enjoy sleeping on the floor but Hansi most definitely does not share his appreciation of it. Secondly he has to at least remove Jogi’s shirt. No matter how fixated is on Matze if he wakes up to find himself still wearing a shirt it will not be a pretty sight. Taking a moment to think it through Hansi sits next to him on the bed, he then gets to work unbuttoning Jogi’s shirt and moving as cautiously and swiftly as he can he rolls him over to take it off. Getting the rest of his clothes off is easy in comparison to accomplishing this. It’s certainly easier than dragging him into bed and removing the blankets from underneath him.

By the time Hansi’s done he’s almost too exhausted to move another inch. The sight of a sleeping Jogi in front of him makes him reconsider. All of a sudden he finds just the right amount of energy to place his hand on Jogi’s lower chest. Equally he has no trouble finding the energy to move his hand upwards to trace his fingers across Jogi’s ever so soft and delicate skin. He stops when he reaches Jogi’s shoulder and then begins to trace his fingers down his arm. Feeling each and every muscle on the way down he thinks of all the times Jogi grabbed hold of him with this arm. Of all the times he’s pinned him in place and had some fun of a very different kind. Finally he thinks of the gentle way he held Matze earlier. Of the way he looked almost afraid to touch him, as if he would accidentally hurt him. Hansi had no such worries when it came to Jogi. He’s seen the careful and tender way he hugs his players. More to the point he’s been on the receiving end of such a hug many a time.

Reaching his hand Hansi takes a moment to luxuriate in how soft it is before taking hold of it and keeping hold as he lies down next to Jogi. Getting comfortable he pulls the blankets up over Jogi and snuggling up next to him allows his head to come to rest on his chest. Watching Jogi sleep he thinks of how happy he looked earlier and of the anxious yet adorable way he’s kept watch over Matze all day long. Of what it took to get him to come up here. His hand enjoying the soft sensation of Jogi’s skin he can understand why he didn’t want to let go Matze. Truth is Hansi would love for Matze to be lying here between them. He’d love to spend the night here watching him sleep too. But he’s not stupid enough to make that mistake. He knows if he lets it happen once it’ll take forever to get Jogi out of the habit. As things stand he has to content himself with feeling and listening to Jogi breathe, a habit he never tires of.

Jogi & Hansi’s Christmas Deliberations

Resuming his quest from last year Hansi will stop at nothing to convince Jogi to wear a Santa hat. So far nothing was working, not even the offer of special scarf time. Hansi however is not giving up. He’s sure his latest plan will work, that Jogi won’t be able to say no to the Freiburg hat he’s gotten him. When would Jogi ever say no to something with the Freiburg badge on it, this Hansi is sure will work. Ever since he’d seen the schedule for the final games before Christmas Hansi had worked it all out in his head. It was too perfect to miss, last Christmas it was Jogi’s team that H96 were playing and now it’s his. This time round it will be perfect since Jogi will actually be at home and he’s certain not to be disappointed. Hansi however sensibly keeps his thoughts in the matter to himself, obviously they’ll be watching the game but bringing the matter up would not be a good idea. Hansi has no wish to listen to yet another rant on the subject. The game may have been a year ago but that won’t stop Jogi from going on about it. The situation is made even more perfect by the fact Freiburg play on Sunday and in a delicious twist of irony they’re playing the other Munich, 1860 at home.

This is the main part of Hansi’s plan, of going to the game together and convincing Jogi to wear the hat. Last year he’d gone by himself to Freiburg’s game, he’d had no choice since Jogi wasn’t at home. Well he didn’t have to go to the game, indeed it’s not how Hansi would have chosen to spend a cold Sunday afternoon, watching two teams slug it out in the beginnings of a relegation battle. But Jogi had asked him to go, he couldn’t so he wanted Hansi to be there for him, for his team. Jogi had asked in such a way that Hansi just couldn’t say no, though truth is he rarely could say no to him anyway regardless of how he asked any question.

The same cannot be said for Hansi, he has to work a little harder to get what he wants. Though he gets the feeling that on this occasion Jogi may just be toying with him, that he has every intention of giving him what he wants, he’s just making him work for it. A fact which becomes clear when Hansi makes his latest attempt.
“Jogi, wear the hat for me, please.”
“No way elf lord, you can wear what you want but I’m not wearing that stupid hat, no matter what you offer.”
Jogi said no but the way he did gave Hansi a completely different answer, as does the look in his eye. The look he always gets when he calls Hansi elf lord. Hansi knows he’s onto something now.
“Are you sure about that, are you sure there’s nothing I can offer that would get you to change your mind?”
“I don’t know, let’s see. Just why are you so keen to get me to wear this hat anyway, you’re normally trying to get me out of clothes, not into them.”

Now Hansi is sure he’s on to something and that Jogi is most definitely toying with him. Question is what his game is and just what does Hansi have to offer to get what he wants. One thing is for sure Hansi does not intend to go along with this; he knows how Jogi expects him to react so he does the opposite, taking the conversation in a completely different direction. Hansi doesn’t know it yet but he’s still giving Jogi exactly what he wants. Somehow Jogi always ends up getting what he wants. Changing the subject Hansi asks “Tell me, Jogi, what do you want for Christmas?”

“You’re giving up, just like that?”
“Maybe, will you tell me?”
“Why won’t you tell me?”
“You already know.”
“Yes but other than Freiburg….”
Hansi finds himself unable to finish his sentence with Jogi physically preventing him from doing so. Before he can remove Jogi’s hand he gets a very important order from Jogi,
“Hans-Dieter, I’m not saying it out loud and neither are you. Do not curse them, do not do that.”
Removing Jogi’s hand Hansi replies “You don’t believe in curses and superstitions.”
“When it comes to Freiburg and to this season I do.”
“So there’s nothing you want that I can get you?”
“No. I already have what I want. You belong to me, that’s all I ever wanted.”
“Jogi, I always belonged to you. I can’t even get you a new scarf?”
“You’re not getting me a scarf, not after last time.”
“That was just because you lost our bet. I’ll get you one you like this time.”
“I don’t think so.”

Having to convince Jogi to wear the hat was one thing but getting him to come round about the scarf is another thing all together. And a most odd task at that. It’s all very strange indeed, the idea of having to convince Jogi to accept the gift of a scarf. Not knowing what else to do Hansi falls back on his tried and trusted back-up plan. Figuring he’s going to need more than just his elf lord smile here Hansi takes an altogether more proactive approach. Much to his surprise however it does not initially have the desired effect.
Quickly unbuttoning Jogi’s shirt Hansi is about to make his next move when he finds his progress halted.

“Hansi, I don’t think you should undress me now. I’m not going to be able to focus if…”
Ignoring him Hansi takes his hand back and places it in a most pleasing place.
“If what Jogi?” replies Hansi teasingly.
“If you put your hand there” answers a very satisfied sounding Jogi.
“Don’t you want Hansi’s hands to be happy?”
“I want all of Hansi to be happy.”
“That can be arranged.”
“Not until we’re done talking.”

Hearing Jogi’s reply causes Hansi to stop what he’s doing and to move back so he can see the look on Jogi’s face. He wants to make sure Jogi’s not kidding, to his disappointment Jogi seems to be serious. Hansi’s not giving up so easily though, he has one final ace up his sleeve. One which cannot fail to work.
“Jogi, what if I were to get you some very special scarves, a pair you can use to remind me once and for all that I belong to you. How about that?”
“I get to be the scarf lord this Christmas?”
“My sweet devilish little Jogi, you can be the scarf lord whenever the hell you want. Any day of the week, anytime of the year.”
“You know there is something else I want.”
“Tell me.”
“But it’s not something you can buy.”
“Tell me anyway.”
“I want Bayern to win their last game before Christmas.”
“Why do you care about that?”
“The same reason I don’t want you wearing the same hat you wore last year. You wore that hat last Christmas and Freiburg only drew, very unluckily so.”
“Of course, you don’t care about Bayern winning. You just want revenge.”
“I’m sure you’ll get what you want but I can’t guarantee it’ll happen.”
“I know, just promise me you won’t wear the same hat.”
“I won’t, not as long as you promise to wear yours.”
“Ok, deal.”
“Really, just like that. It’s that easy?”
“Yes, what did you expect?”
“I thought you were going to make me work harder for it, I thought you had one of your master plans” replies a somewhat disappointed sounding Hansi.
“No, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t going to wear that hat again.”
“You were always going to say yes, weren’t you?”
“I was, but only if you agreed not to wear the same hat. What are you disappointed about?”
“That I didn’t get to finish undressing you.”
“There’ll be plenty of time for that. You’ll have me to yourself all Christmas. Just think of it, me, you, the cabin, under blankets in front of the fire. What more could my little Hansi want?”
“Actually I had something else in mind.”
“I don’t like the sound of this.”
“Jogi, I know you like going to the cabin but it’d be nice to go somewhere else, somewhere warmer.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Think of how much fun it’ll be. If we go to the cabin I’ll have to get you out of all those layers but if we go somewhere warm then you’ll be wearing hardly anything at all.”
“Why so impatient, I thought you liked undressing me.”
“I do, I just like what comes afterwards even more.”
“Good things come to those who wait, good build-up play is important, you know that.”
“Can we have one conversation without you bringing football into it?”
“Who said I was talking about football?”
Not giving Hansi any chance to enjoy what he just said Jogi continues “I don’t want any surprises Hansi.”
“This isn’t a surprise, that’s why we’re talking about it now.”
“Ok, so I don’t want any more surprises.”
“Just two more, please. I have two presents for you which I know you’re going to love.”
“Hansi, I said….”
Jogi stops, not remembering the rest of his sentence or what he’s unhappy with. Just this minute neither of those things is important. Lost in Hansi’s smile, that special elf lord smile of his which is reserved for him and him alone Jogi can’t think of anything, let alone get any of his words back. Noticing this Hansi takes hold of his hand and asks “What’s the rest of that sentence?”
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter” comes the reply from a distracted sounding Jogi.
“I know you; I know you were just about to complain about something.”
“I was but it doesn’t matter now.”
“Why doesn’t it matter?”
“Because when you smile like that nothing does, nothing other than you matters.”
“Does that mean you’ll agree to go somewhere else for Christmas?”
“That smile of yours will get you almost anything.”
“But not this?”
“I like going to the cabin, it’s nice and peaceful up there. I don’t get why you want to change our plans.”
“Change can be good sometimes.”
“This is important to you?”
“If it wasn’t I wouldn’t be asking. I’m not asking you to give up all your Christmas plans for me, just to compromise a little. Will you do that for your elf lord Hansi?”
“Depends, what does my elf lord have in mind?”
“We can both get what we want, we can go the cabin first so you have your winter fun then we can go somewhere warm.”
“This is all because you’re too impatient to undress me.”
“I’m not going to deny that’s true but it’s not what this is about.”
“You don’t need to lie to me.”
Thinking about how Jogi stopped him from undressing him a short while ago it crosses Hansi’s mind that finishing the job would be a lot of fun and would distract Jogi from all of this. Trying his luck he says “Forget about all of that, how about you let me finish undressing you now.”
In a playful mood Jogi slowly does up the buttons Hansi undid earlier and replies “No, you can wait. I think you need to learn some patience. You don’t get to unwrap your presents before Christmas now, do you?”

The Scarf Bet/One Year and One Day


Plan the ultimate celebration for the person you’re closest to, and tell us about it. Where is it? Who’s there? What’s served? What happens?

When I first saw this I thought I had nothing to write about. Which would have been disappointing because I really wanted to write something for the daily prompt today. I would have liked to have done so yesterday since it was then that it was one year, but today is in a way even more perfect. Since it’s not only one year and one day since I started writing the Löw adventures, it’s also my birthday and Germany are playing France tonight. Also Bosnia are playing Ireland in their qualification play-off for the Euros next year. I hope all goes well for Mensur Mujdza and his Bosnian compatriots.

I wouldn’t throw anyone a party, ever. Not even if there was someone I was close enough to. So I have nothing to write about in that regard. I can however write a little something about tonight’s celebrations. It’s not in celebration of a person, not exactly, it’s more a celebration of an idea. Of the idea of the Löw adventures. Where else would I be on match-day but in front of the TV, well my laptop this time since it’s on German TV. As for who’s here, no-one but myself and my mascot Manuel. He won’t steal any of my snacks or ask stupid questions. We have pizza with meatballs and also double chocolate chip cookies, still warm from the oven. And specially ordered crisps from Germany.

Also on it’s way from Germany is my new shirt with Ginter on the back, unfortunately not here in time for the game but as long as it gets here.

As for what’s happening, football. And a little something special. A new Löw adventure to mark the day. But first a few pictures. First of the gift that did get here in time, my new scarf which amusingly enough there turned out to be two of, so I gave one to my mascot to wear. Also one of the football themed cake I got decorated with a few extras. I may not like parties but doesn’t mean I’ll say no to cake:


And secondly a picture of the scarf of Jogi’s which gave me the idea for the following story:

Joachim Löw - half-time interview - Hoffenheim v Dortmund 15One of the things Hansi loved most about Jogi was his obsessive focus, the way in which he devoted himself completely to whatever he happened to be interested in and especially so when it was directed towards his own self. As it usually was in situations like this, but right now Jogi wasn’t focusing on him. He was here lying beneath him, indeed having some fun right now had been Jogi’s idea but his mind was elsewhere. And given what he’d spent the weekend obsessing over, Hansi had a pretty good idea what was more interesting than himself this minute. Despite his distraction Jogi was paying enough attention to notice when Hansi was no longer there and made no secret of his displeasure. The second Hansi lay back next to him Jogi grabbed hold of his hand and placed it back where he wanted it.

“I thought we were going to have some fun, Hansi.”
“I thought so too, but not when you’re thinking about something else.”
“I’m not; I’m trying not to anyway.”
“You’re thinking about scarves right now, aren’t you?”
“Yes but I’m trying not to.”
“And you’re not thinking about all the fun we could have with some very special scarves now, are you? You’re thinking about the game, about what scarf to wear.”
“And you say Hansi doesn’t know everything, I think he does.”
“If I knew everything I would know how to get you to stop thinking about scarves and start thinking about me.”
“Get back over here and I’ll soon be thinking of you.”
“No you won’t, not until you’ve picked a scarf. I think you need to make it up to me.”
“How do I do that my scarf prince?”
“You think Wolfsburg will beat Bayern tomorrow, don’t you?”
“I think so.”
“How about this, if you’re wrong, if Bayern win tomorrow night, I get to pick your scarf for the game.”
“And what about if I win?”
“In that case you’ll have to come up with a suitable punishment for me. A suitably devilish one, something befitting my scarf lord.”
“Ok, you’ve got a deal.”
“Just one more thing, you have to stop thinking about scarves right now.”
“Even if I wanted to use one of those scarves on you?”
“That you can think about. You know given the bet we just made, I think you should come to the game tomorrow.”
“No, I’m staying here.”
“Even if I promised we could wear matching scarves.”
“Still no. But you’ve just given me an idea. If I’m right, if Bayern lose, then the next time you come to a game with me you have to wear a Freiburg scarf.”
“Even if it’s not a Freiburg game?”
“Yes, that makes it even more fun. You having to go to a Bayern game with my team’s scarf wrapped around you.”
“That’s not what I was expecting, I thought you’d come up with the idea of some special scarf time.”
“We can do that too, you don’t need to lose a bet to get that. In fact you don’t even need to ask.”

Hansi may not have much time to come up with a plan but he’s not going to let that or anything else stop him from gaining maximum enjoyment from this. In actuality Hansi’s not sure what he’s more excited about, the prospect of getting to choose Jogi’s scarf or getting to win a bet against him. Both are exceedingly rare events and almost equally special.

Every spare moment he has he spends online picking a suitable scarf for Jogi’s punishment. Looking through them it’s difficult to prevent his mind from returning to thoughts of the previous night. Jogi may be wrong in his score prediction but there was one thing he was right about last night, Hansi needed neither to lose a bet nor even ask for some special scarf time with his scarf lord. That he got without saying one word.

None of his words however had succeeded in convincing Jogi to come with him this evening. Hansi would have loved for him to come anyway but now he had some extra motivation. It would have been perfect, Hansi could picture it. At the final whistle him getting out the special scarf and tying it around Jogi’s neck before he knew what was happening. With Jogi refusing to come he would have to settle for texting him the second the game was over and showing him the scarf later that night. Of course what Hansi didn’t know was that he wouldn’t have to wait that long, he wouldn’t need to wait until the final whistle for the result to be beyond any doubt. Ten minutes is all it took for it to be decided. So fast did it happen that Hansi was unable to text Jogi when each goal was scored, not something he would normally do but at half time he had been thinking of doing just that should Bayern equalise and then score the winner. Because it’s what Jogi did at half time, lording it over him that he was going to win the bet.

Come the end of the game Hansi did no such thing, all he did was text Jogi a picture of the new scarf along with six words “Enjoy your new scarf Captain Löw.”
It doesn’t take long for Jogi to reply and it’s not difficult for Hansi to imagine him furiously tapping out the message.
“This isn’t funny, Hansi. I have to wear that on TV tomorrow night.”
Hansi’s equally quick and equally pointed response is “Bet against Bayern and pay the price.”
“You’re really going to make me wear it?”
“I am, in fact when I get back tonight I want you wearing nothing but that scarf.”
I guess you’re the scarf lord tonight.”
“I guess I am.”

The whole way home Hansi thinks of nothing but Jogi and that scarf, if things go his way he’ll not only get to see Jogi wearing his new scarf but may get the bonus of some extra time with his scarf lord. The long journey passes by quicker than he expected for lost in dreamy thoughts about the scarf in his hand nothing else exists at this moment, nothing but the wonderful pictures in his mind. Whether Hansi had won or lost this bet it would have felt like winning, how could it not when either way he got to go home to Jogi.

The Final Game

They’d finally done it; the trophy sitting next to Jogi on the floor is really theirs. The winner’s medal hanging around his neck is real; it’s no dream this time. And neither is the wonderful sight of Hansi lying asleep before his eyes. Here on this night everything Jogi could ever have dreamed of is no longer a dream. But only one of these things belongs to him, only one of them is really real. For Hansi may be lying here before him, all stretched out and fast asleep. And he may be sitting here by his side, just inches away from him. Yet he can’t do what he wants to do, he can’t reach out and take Hansi’s hand in his.

How perfect it would be, to lie down next to Hansi, to allow him to wake up wrapped in his arms. Were he to do so Jogi was sure it would be the best feeling in the world. Better and sweeter than anything, even better than winning the all important trophy that’s now in their possession. Instead Jogi sits and keeps watch over Hansi, dreaming of what he’d like to be doing.

Their final summer together is coming to an end. This trip will be the last trip they ever take together. The journey home will be the last time Jogi gets to revel in watching a sleeping Hansi on the plane. Sitting here Jogi didn’t want the summer to end. He wanted to stay here forever, with Hansi and the trophy next to him. He didn’t want to let Hansi go. The trophy he didn’t care about so much, you can always win other trophies. But there’s only one Hansi and he can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else. Can’t imagine dreaming about anyone else the way he does Hansi. Replacing him is going to be simply impossible. Who could ever learn the ways of Jogi as quickly as Hansi did?

The day Hansi asked him if could take the new job Jogi surprised himself with his answer. Upon hearing Hansi’s request his immediate reaction was no, absolutely not. He didn’t want anything to change, not unless it absolutely had to. And the thought of Hansi not being by his side was simply unbearable. Despite all of this Jogi found himself saying yes. It made no sense to him, not until now. He thought at the time because he said yes, it meant he didn’t love Hansi as much as he’d thought. It was only now he understood it was precisely because of how much he loved him that he said yes. That Hansi being happy is more important to him than anything else ever could be, even if that means him no longer being where he needs him to be. All summer Jogi thought about telling Hansi, he realised he had to tell him. If he didn’t Hansi would never be by his side again in any sense. But as the weeks crept past, as the preparations for their departure continued, still Jogi said nothing.

Before he knew it the tournament began and still he kept his feelings to himself. And now it was over. The trophy was won and at the next game they played Hansi would be saying his goodbyes. Jogi wrongly thought that saying yes to Hansi leaving would force him to say something, to finally tell him just how he felt. So far he’d been proved wrong on this count and it seemed it would cost him dearly.

It seemed as if this would be the closest Jogi would ever get to Hansi. That helping him up to his room after he’d celebrated far too much and putting him to bed was the only way he’d ever get to be so close to him. Putting his hand as close to Hansi’s as he dared, Jogi tried to tell a still sleeping Hansi just how he felt about him.

“I’m sorry I let you go Hansi. That I never told you how I felt. I guess it’s too late now. I thought I could do it, I was sure I could. I never thought I’d be saying goodbye to you. You’re Hansi, you’re always there when I turn around. No matter where we are in the world, you’re always there. Who am I going to hug now?”

Getting up from the floor Jogi picked up the trophy. He was about to turn to leave when he noticed Hansi’s medal is still round his neck. There was obviously no way he could leave it there. Here Jogi was presented with a perfect excuse to be close to Hansi and yet he’s reluctant to take it. Even though he knew he had to. At least he had an excuse in case Hansi woke up. Knowing this made Jogi no less terrified.

Before going over to Hansi, Jogi carefully put the trophy back on the floor. For a minute he stands there, watching Hansi just like earlier. He knows what he has to do; it’s just a case of talking himself into it. It’s not laying a hand on Hansi that he’s afraid of, it’s the opposite. He’s afraid he’ll never want to let go.