I don’t want to write about anything bad on a Jogi day, which leaves me wondering what I am going to write about. It’s not that anything bad has happened today, more that nothing has really happened at all. It’s not really possible for anything bad or good to happen when you’re asleep. Besides today isn’t the day I need to worry about anyway, that’s tomorrow. Jogi day is not the only reason I shouldn’t write a word about that. Whatever I do or don’t write it’s not going to change what happens, there isn’t anything to do but wait. Obsessing over it isn’t going to help. One thing I can’t help but obsess over is related to the title. Behind door number seven was one sticker; Mario Gomez (not happy about him being in there but that’s another story) and two cards. All normal so far, until I look at the cards. In this order I find Joshua Kimmich, Joachim Löw and Joachim Löw – two of the exact same card. Now I can’t believe I’m objecting to this but I hope they really didn’t screw up here, as happy as I am having an extra Jogi card all I can think about whether or not one is missing now. And of course I have to wait until the 24th to find out just who if anyone is missing, it’s not very Germanic of them that’s for sure. I won’t be losing any sleep over it, but only because I don’t expect to get any tonight anyway. Right now I’m watching Epic, which is ironic given that one of the main themes is balance. I’m watching it because I love Christoph Waltz as Mandrake, it’s something safe and familiar, something I know the words to. Mandrake is sick of balance and of the green, the good guys. I know the feeling, it would be easier to just let the dark side take over. But I can’t write about that now, no bad or depressing stuff on a Jogi day.
At least I didn’t miss seeing Hansi tonight, though it would have been better if he had looked a little happier. But then today wasn’t a very happy day for him and Hoffenheim, for tonight marked the end of their European campaign and they couldn’t even go out in style and win their last game.
Hansi Flick at Hofffenheim v Ludogorets 2017/18
Posted in Autism, Films, Fußball, Germany, Hansi Flick, Jogi Löw
Tagged Autism/Asperger's Syndrome, Christoph Waltz, Epic, Europa League, Hans-Dieter Flick, Joachim "Jogi" Löw, TSG 1899 Hoffenheim
I guess today isn’t that bad a day seeing as how I came up with a title without even trying, though that isn’t the title I originally came up with. I got Sami Khedira’s sticker today and the phrase that immediately popped into my head was “Italian night in Paris” because Khedira plays for Juventus and Bayern played PSG tonight. It’s a variation of a phrase from Inglorious Basterds, the name of the third chapter in the film. I don’t want to say it’s a good day because I don’t want to be that arrogant, not before Friday is over and done with. But as much as I liked the phrase I couldn’t misquote one of my favourite films and then I realised that actually the original correct version fit better anyway in an ironic sort of way, seeing as how Bayern were playing host to PSG. They may have been playing in Munich but it was for Bayern most definitely German night in Paris tonight. Because they only scored three goals and conceded one they didn’t win the group (but then only a real optimist could have expected them to) but they did at least retain their honor after the humiliating defeat in Paris which saw Carlo Ancoletti sacked as a result. I feel bad for Julian Draxler but rooting for his team was not an option, not tonight.
As for the rest of the day I can’t really say it went well because I don’t really remember most of it, and that includes the appointment. I have a feeling I ranted quite a lot but then that isn’t really news. I only got two hours sleep last night which was rather stupid of me and is no doubt why I felt the need to take a nap before watching Bayern’s game tonight. Not something I usually do but I’m glad I did, I felt surprisingly rested afterwards which isn’t something I’m used to. I’m sure I could find something to rant about but I don’t particularly want to. Not least because today I got a Jogi video, so I’d kind of like to leave that untainted.
Joachim Löw – Bild video 05/12/17
One subject I could rant about is the second series of that stupid TV show The A Word but I won’t do so here for two reasons. First because I think it’s going to need a post of it’s own and secondly for the aforementioned reason. All I will say is this, I am very glad that child is fictional and doesn’t have to grow up with parents and a family like that in real life. Ok I lied, two things. I read the description for next week’s episode. There’s some kind of play at the boy’s old school and it brings his family all together and they all get to see what they mean to him. I am so sick of TV shows and films using autistic characters to “bring the normal people together and make them realise what they have in life.” I’m even more sick of parents of autistic children needing to be shown “just how much we mean to him.” It’s infuriating, the constant implication that we don’t love people or don’t care about them, just because maybe we don’t show it in the way they expect. I used to be so against the idea of a community comprised entirely of autistic people, these days I’m not so sure. It kind of sounds like a good idea. Maybe then I would have listen to a bunch of normal people who know nothing about autism tell me all about it and what it means. And I just broke my promise, that’s a rant. I guess I’ll have to stop writing there before I taint Jogi’s video even more.
This year has felt like a sort of groundhog day type year, the same stuff over and over again, and I don’t just mean in terms of the mistakes I’ve made. I wish I just meant that. With Monday’s night events it feels all so very familiar, indeed the same things are said all over again. The same hatred and racism is brought to the fore. Lots of things are said but little changes. A lot of people are ignorant of what’s going on in the wider world and they want it to stay that way. Syria seemed like a place far away and so the events there could be ignored, except now such things are happening right on Europe’s doorstep. And some people’s answer, to ban all refugees from entering Europe. To refuse to help the very people who are trying to escape things like this. I don’t know, nothing makes any sense, I’m not sure anything ever did. I just don’t understand how anyone could be so blinkered and ignorant not to care what’s going on there. The fact it’s so faraway should make no difference, nor that the people are of a different nationality or religion. People are people no matter where they’re from. It certainly doesn’t feel right to be celebrating Christmas whilst all this is going on.
Monday was not a good day anyway, and it become less of one because of what I woke up to. Just when you think you have a shot at getting back on track something else goes wrong. In reality I don’t think it had a shot of going right, I just wanted to believe it could. Everything feels just about as pointless as it’s ever done, yet I can’t stop writing or doing any of this. I’ve seen what happens when I do that, no matter how pointless it seems you have to carry on. A few days ago (I’m not sure which one exactly) I was watching The Counsellor, I don’t know why I decided to rewatch it, I didn’t think much of it the first time round. I felt drawn to it for some reason. I saw it at the cinema when it was released with a friend. Before seeing it I thought it would be good and they thought the opposite, after seeing it our positions were reversed. They said it was better than they expected and I was disappointed with it. I’m not sure I can articulate why exactly, I do however know why it angered me. The main character doesn’t care about the violence in Mexico when he has the potential to make money from it, he only cares when it affects him, when it’s someone he loves that gets hurt. Which is kind of like the situation now I suppose. The majority of people don’t care what’s happening somewhere else as long as it’s not affecting them. I’m not sure why it bothers me so much or why I can’t stop thinking about all this, maybe it’s because I’m often accused of lacking empathy, clearly that’s not true.
I have plenty of distractions but none of them are working, I don’t feel much like watching football, I couldn’t focus on tonight’s game in which Dortmund drew 1-1 with Augsburg. I don’t think the game made any difference, had I watched Gladbach’s game I probably would have felt the same. It’s a good thing I didn’t watch their game in fact, I would have felt even worse. After losing again there’s a good chance Gladbach will be parting ways with Andre Schubert before Christmas. I hope Wednesday’s game does a better job of distracting me, though at the same time it feels wrong but then almost everything does. Even writing this but I had to, I couldn’t not write it. As suffocating as routine is it can be comforting too, and sometimes it’s a little of both. Truth is without routine I wouldn’t know what to do.
Speaking of routine that brings me to the final part of the post, the advent calendars. Behind door number 19 in the Freiburg one was summer signing Janik Harberer and in the Dortmund one Andre Schürrle. And behind door number 20 was Julian Schuster and Roman Weidenfeller. Harberer scored his first Bundesliga goal the weekend before last against Leverkusen, he also got the assist for Niederlechner’s equaliser against Schalke last weekend:
Posted in Autism, Films, Germany, SC Freiburg
Tagged Andre Schürrle, Autism/Asperger's Syndrome, Borussia Dortmund, Bundesliga, Empathy, Janik Harberer, Julian Schuster, Roman Weidenfeller, SC Freiburg
Time alone is very important to me, solitude is not a luxury but an essential. I just don’t have a great deal of tolerance for being around other people, regardless of whether I want to be or not. So it stands to reason that today has been a very trying day. I’ve had twelve near continuous hours of social time, I’ve not been by myself for more than ten minutes all day. It’s a price worth paying for getting to see the Captain America triple bill and the all important midnight screening of Civil War. It’s a price I’ll be paying for dearly in the days to come. I’m already paying for it now in fact. Too much social time and having to adjust to being in a strange place at the same time means I can’t sleep. All I need is some time alone, not just from the person with me but from my own thoughts. My goal originally was to write something for my “Fallen Soldier” story before seeing Civil War, it didn’t work out quite so well. I have a lot of notes but so far no actual story. Seeing The Winter Soldier again fixed that. I now know how to start and have a few ideas for later on as well. Problem is I need to write them down now so I can sleep, if I don’t they won’t stop bothering me and I won’t get any sleep anyway.
Although I’m sure I would be having trouble sleeping anyway right now thanks to the end of Civil War, I can’t believe they froze Bucky. Just in case him having his arm torn off by Iron Man wasn’t enough, now he’s back on ice as well. I hope it’s a Han Solo type deal, him being unfrozen in the next film. Up till then the film was perfect, I certainly enjoyed seeing Iron Man getting smashed up and the scene with Antman going giant was just priceless. So many one liners and witty exchanges, too many to remember in fact so I’m glad I’m seeing it again later today. I have a feeling it won’t be the last time I see it either.
The only complaints I have is the fact Daniel Brühl was not in it much, a shame since I liked seeing him playing a different kind of character. Two things I have to mention, it was strange hearing him call Bucky by his actual first name James, weird because of course he played Niki Lauda in Rush, his rival and sort of friend being James Hunt. Second of all Daniel looked different, I can’t put my finger on it but he reminded me of how he looked in Rush a little, before the accident obviously. The other complaint is that there wasn’t enough of Sebastian, I would have liked more scenes delving into his and Captain America’s friendship, hopefully that’s to come in one of the next installments. As for German related trivia, the airport they fought at was in Leipzig, I hope that’s a good omen for later on. I don’t expect Bielefeld to smash Leipzig, holding them to a draw would do. Now I am rambling, it’s not a good mix at all. Popcorn, cookies, a late night and now too many ideas. I can’t wait to get home so I can be by myself again. I was fairly certain I could never live with someone else anyway, I mean actually choosing to because I do live with other people right now, it’s just not by choice. Now I have the proof that even choosing to live with someone may not work, I really do need my own space and a lot of it. This is just one day and night and I’m already going crazy. If it’s loneliness or this then the latter is definitely the better option.
The hunt for my favourite Sebastian film continues, this one wasn’t quite so bad as the previous one but it’s not something I’ll be watching again. This time Sebastian plays a rich preppy jerk named Leo who has more money than common sense and who doesn’t seem to give a damn about anyone but himself. My main reason for not enjoying the film a great deal is Jessie Eisenberg, he just always feels like the same character, no matter what film of his you’re watching. He’s the main character Charlie who meets Leo at college. The film centers around Charlie, his friend Danny and their mutual friend Mick. The latter is not a pleasant character and is the source of much conflict. You’re meant to feel sorry for him but it’s not easy to. He may have a had a difficult upbringing and his life isn’t easy but that doesn’t give him the right to act like a thug and attack other people. Though some people would argue the treatment he meted out to Leo was warranted. He was being a jerk and his actions could have cost the girl her job, yet he didn’t care. Because he’s rich and has no concept of having to work for a living. But then you could argue Charlie and Danny equally have no concept of such things. At the beginning of the film when he’s defending his involvement with Leo and why what he does is not so bad Danny claims that he’s not rich, his parents are. That kind of logic is totally bogus, who does he think pays for his stuff and later on to send him to college? He’s certainly not working his way through college like some people have to. His indulging of Mick’s dangerous behaviour is a way of sort of living through him. He can’t or won’t take chances like that but he can encourage Mick to.
In some way both Danny and Charlie are complicit in what Mick does because both of them could have turned him into the police and didn’t. If Charlie had not backed out of his witness statement all those years ago it’s possible Mick wouldn’t have been out to be able to kill or harm someone else. On the matter of being complicit, Leo’s friends play a part in his behaviour too. They don’t take his behaviour very seriously when he almost costs someone their job, they don’t laugh it off but they don’t pull him in line either. Because out of all of them Mick is the only one who knows what’s it like to worry about money that way. Yet it still doesn’t excuse his reaction, Leo may have deserved to be put straight but violence never solves anything and he certainly wouldn’t have learnt anything from the experience.
I guess the film was interesting and raised some interesting questions about what people become and if they are destined to be that way. If those things can change or are set in stone. Whether or not what happens to people growing up has to define who they become as adults. Whilst it was interesting it also lacked the final punch, I didn’t find the end convincing. At the beginning of the film Mick is shown beating up two jocks in a matter of minutes and with no real problem. Yet when it comes to beating up Charlie who should pose no problem it goes on forever even though Charlie isn’t fighting back. I’m also not sure that Mick would be able to stop himself from stomping on him, nor by how Charlie sees the situation. That it was a graduation of sorts, that Mick didn’t make that final blow because he cares about him or discovered his humanity or whatever. Another thing I was disappointed by was the lack of an explanation for why Mick was so interested in Danny. With the scene in his dorm they seemed to hint at some kind of romantic interest on Mick’s part but it never came up again. Anyhow, I did get some nice pictures of Sebastian. His character may have been a jerk but he was a handsome one: