When I first started drafting this post I had two goals in mind, first and foremost to get my very own figurine of Bucky. I have found one and a way to get it, the only downside is that it’s not released until September. So some patience is required, but at least I definitely know I’m getting one. The second goal I had was to get a good night’s sleep, that predictably did not go so well. I did get to sleep on Thursday night, shortly after midnight, only problem is I slept most of the day as well. In the end it all worked out and I didn’t miss Freiburg’s game on Sunday but that’s besides the point. I’m not even sure what the point is anymore. I understand why I’m trying to get up every weekend but the rest of the time I have no idea. Upon finding out I can have my very own winter soldier I was quite excited about it. But I can’t help but wonder why. Why it is I need to spend so much money on what is essentially a very well crafted toy. Or why it is I spend any of the money I do on the things I buy.
I don’t know, I’m just feeling a little lost at the moment. I shouldn’t be, I should be nothing but happy right now. In the space of four days I got a Hansi video and three Jogi videos, plus a half-time interview from yesterday’s game. And most importantly of all Freiburg got their first win of 2016, beating their neighbours Sandhausen 2-0. Plus of course this Wednesday is Hansi’s birthday and I have a special post planned for him just like Jogi. There’s plenty to look forward to, more Champions League and Europa League before getting back to the Bundesliga on Friday. Yet part of me just wants to crawl back into bed and ignore everything.
What I really want to do other than that is to finish the story I’m working on, it would be nice to finish it in time for Wednesday but I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I don’t think I’m in the right kind of mood to write something so happy. I’m trying my best to focus on the positives, like the fact I just agreed a trade which sees me get the one final sticker I need to complete the Euro 2016 album. I certainly don’t want to get dragged down by any obsessive thoughts. Not about any social errors from the week past and not in relation to my upcoming cinema trip. I can’t let those thoughts and feelings take over which of course is easier said than done. I should keep Toni Kroos in mind, he’s Mr Cool because he’s unshakable, nothing gets to him or at least he doesn’t let it show. Maybe this is why I dreamed about him last week. It was funny him being in my dream because I was very excited to see him and I couldn’t hide it, I demonstrated my excitement with some very excited hand clapping. Which annoyingly is a real life trait of mine. Also baffling was the other two people in the dream. Those two people being Diego Maradona and Franco Nero who was dressed like he was in Django Unchained. I was given a suit by the former, I have no idea why or what it’s all supposed to mean.
I don’t really know what anything means, not in terms of dreams or real life. I suppose I should just try to get through the week and try not to get in any trouble. It just feels like that’s all I’m doing at the moment, moving from crisis to crisis. A lack of an overall plan of any kind is good in the sense that there’s less pressure on me but there are downsides too. The major one being that I don’t know what I’m doing or feel like I’m doing enough. I should be doing more and I know it. It sometimes seems kind of pathetic to me that getting up and dressed before lunchtime is considered an achievement of sorts these days. That I’ve gotten so far from reality and the outside world that such a thing is a big deal.