You Win Some, You Lose Some

I came up with the title before Freiburg’s game on Friday evening, unfortunately it proved to be rather apt. Though in the case of Bochum it’s a case of losing all since they lost to them at home as well, at least that time it was something of a fluke which makes me feel a little better. But realistically it makes no difference, three points is three points. Doesn’t matter if you deserved to win or not or if you were the better team for the first 30 minutes. What counts is who did take their chances and that isn’t something Freiburg did.

The title originally had nothing to do with football, it was meant to refer to Thursday’s events. To my decision to finally stop hiding away and to go outside. I went out intending to see Ryan Gosling’s new film The Big Short but surprised myself on that count. At the last minute and I mean that literally, I changed my mind buying a ticket for The Danish Girl instead. I didn’t really know why at the time, it was a big surprise to me too. I’m not exactly the most flexible of people and don’t usually willingly make such changes. In fact I’ve never done that before ever. In that regard the day worked out fine, everything else not so much. The highlights of the rest of the day include being unable to correct a mistake and stand up for myself, losing an auction for a Hansi picture and then freaking out on the train.  Not to mention being exhausted by having unwillingly dragged myself out of the house.

I can’t work out if it’s because having been inside for a while I’m just not used to being outside and around other people for so long, or because it really was a mistake. Whether the whole day or not was a mistake I don’t know and won’t know until I try again I suppose, but one thing I do know is that I should have caught a different train. That was stupid of me, coming home in the middle of the rush hour and expecting it to be fine. Seeing another film and coming home in the night would have brought it’s own problems but maybe it would have been easier than dealing with this. I can’t remember the last time I reacted like that in front of other people which I guess is something to celebrate in itself. Though I wasn’t feeling at all celebratory at the time obviously. It’s only with hindsight can I appreciate it. At the time I felt like I was going to die. I shouldn’t even have got on the train to begin with. I didn’t want to, I thought it was because I didn’t want to stop watching the trains. I was unaware then of the real reason. When I was on the train I wanted to get off, I didn’t and not only because I couldn’t move. More because I was sure if I got off I wouldn’t want to get on another one. So I had to tough it out. At least I did have my tablet for company, I couldn’t get any reading done but at least my headphones stopped me from going completely insane.

I guess trying again would be helpful, though I’m none too enthusiastic about the prospect. I just have to pick the right time, next week would certainly not be a good idea. It’s a school holiday, going anywhere would be a disaster in those circumstances. I’m still a little on edge from last time, that would be a little too much. I planned on writing this post when I got back that day or on Friday, but I didn’t have the energy to. That turned out to be a good thing, letting a little more time pass meant I’m not quite so angry about it. Now I’m in more of how I can do better next time frame of mind than an angry obsessive one. There’s no time this week for any such things at any rate. Four games in two days, Tuesday and Wednesday is the quarter finals of the DFB Pokal. Bayern face the team that defeated Freiburg this Friday past. Bayern are going to beat them obviously and I suppose it’ll make me feel a little better, but not much. The other tie of interest is Dortmund against Stuttgart. The latter are a team on the up with their new coach but league form counts for nothing as Bremen proved in the last round. And that probably won’t be enough to overcome Dortmund anyway. Regardless I’m sure it’ll be two nights of fun. As ever I’m hoping I’ll get a Jogi video, most likely from the Bayern or the Stuttgart game. But it’ll be plenty of fun even without that.

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