So far the month has been somewhat mixed, not bad but not particularly good either. Today is not shaping up to be an especially good day either. I’m happy about finally getting to see The Hateful Eight and about some social time, not to mention getting to share my latest Jogi videos. What I’m not happy about and still very anxious about is where we’re seeing the film. I’ve finally made my peace with having to wait so long to see it. Hansi’s playing concept helped on that count. But it’s not of any help in dealing with being nervous about going to a new place. In fact the enforced change of location may have something to do with the trouble I’ve been having getting to sleep the past few nights. That however is not the worst thing of all. The worst thing of all is the news about Nils Petersen, four weeks out with an ankle injury. I know it’s a good thing that it’s only a month and not longer but still, he’ll miss the very important and no doubt difficult trip to Bochum straight after the winter break. The silver lining is he’ll be back in time for game against Leipzig. It’ll be interesting and a little worrying to see how the team deals with his absence. In the league he’s scored fifteen goals and is indisputably their top scorer. Vincenzo Grifo has eight goals so he may be able to step in somewhat. Hopefully new signing Harvard Nielsen may also prove to be of some use.
Whilst I’m not happy about having to wait so long to see the film it is kind of fitting that I’ll be seeing it today. On the day I was meant to see it I ended up staying home and watching Liverpool play Exeter City in the FA Cup. It’s fitting because I watched some of the replay of that game last night. Strange how things work out. It’s also funny in light of the dream I had yesterday. Whilst I have no idea what exactly it was about I do know that Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang was there. He was wearing the Batman undershirt and he uttered the words “Do you remember?”
To get back to today’s events it’s odd that I’m looking forward to it because I’ve got an ever growing stack of messages that I haven’t replied to. I keep saying I’ll do it and then I don’t. And of course the longer you leave it the harder it gets. With one person in particular I just have no idea what to say to them. It’s just too much work right now, both the prospect of finding the right words and of spending time with them. I suspect the difference is that I know I won’t be able to talk about anything special interest related and I don’t have the resources to do that right now. There’s something very troubling about the whole situation. How is it that it’s the autistic friend who’s putting pressure on me to act normal and not a NT one.
I read somewhere that every once in a while you should do something that scares you. I think it’s in the book Send in the Idiots that the author talks about how for him and some autistic people speaking to strangers or making small talk is kind of like an extreme sport. It’s a very apt description. I try to do that one in a while, something that scares me that is, not talking to strangers. Challenging yourself is a good thing, attempting the possible is pointless. I only talk to strangers when it’s absolutely necessary. The problem with the idea is that when a person is scared of so many things it’s hard to pick something which actually makes you feel like you’ve made some kind of progress or really achieved anything at all. Because I’m aware of how absurd other people consider such things to be. I’m also aware that there’s some truth in that, a lot of my fears are ridiculous. But that doesn’t change how I feel at the time. One of the things I find most difficult is saying no to someone. I don’t know why, I’m very blunt and to the point in other ways. I’d like to be able to do that, to just come right out with it and tell someone I can’t or don’t want to do something. Without all of the obsessing and panicking that normally proceeds such a thing. Or worse me avoiding saying it until they figure it out by themselves.
On a good note there’s just one more day till the Bundesliga returns. On Friday night Bayern will visit HSV. It should prove interesting, last season Bayern drew 0-0 in Hamburg and they are much improved this season. Whether or not they can hold off Bayern again remains to be seen. I personally wouldn’t place any money on it. Of course last season Bayern went undefeated in the first half of the season, not so this year. They’ve already drawn once to Eintracht Frankfurt and lost to Gladbach. It’s the latter that is part of the other big event of the weekend when they play Dortmund. I’m looking forward to Bayern’s game mostly because I’m hoping I’ll get a Jogi video but it’s Dortmund’s game I really can’t wait for. Not to mention Köln v Stuttgart. At least it looks like a fun filled first weekend back. I don’t anticipate getting a lot of sleep which strangely enough is what happened on the first weekend of the season. Though the advantage of the 2.Bundesliga starting a little later is that I don’t have to get up so early on Saturday and Sunday. Despite being aware sleep will be hard to come by I am at least prepared in every other way. I have plenty of snacks, German beer and more importantly will be watching and recording the game on two channels. Meaning there won’t be a repeat of the disaster of what happened on the first weekend of the season, I won’t be making that mistake again. On the subject of Hamburg I found out yesterday that Germany will be playing their first WM 2018 qualifier against the Czech Republic there, much to my displeasure. Even worse they’ll be playing Northern Ireland in Hannover. They’ve also announced the dates for two other friendlies, one before and after the Euros. The former is their final warm up game before the tournament and will be played in Augsburg on the 4th June. No words on the opponents yet though.
I certainly don’t have to worry about getting up early today, thanks to my unusual sleeping patterns this week I have a rather different problem to contend with. Having gotten to bed at an absurdly late hour the previous night I got up very late yesterday. So of course getting some sleep today is going to be something of a challenge. I need to get some sleep before going out but it’s not easy to switch off. At least I’ve put the time to good use and haven’t been up half the night playing Playstation. Instead I’ve been doing some research for my latest story. As it turns out I know nothing about neurotypical five year olds, or really typically developing children of any age. Which is only natural given that I don’t have any NT siblings and have had more non-NT friends than NT. I’ve not needed to do much research at all for the other child in the story. It’s not like I would, I know enough about autism and can remember enough to know what’s it’s like to have an autistic child around. What I don’t know is how a NT child would fit into that situation and how they might feel about their sibling. It’s an interesting challenge, not an easy I have to admit. Seeing things from someone else’s perspective isn’t exactly a strong point of mine. With this in mind I plan on seeking out some NTs, or as many as I can round up anyway to hear their thoughts on the matter. I may be short on sleep today and slightly anxious about the alteration to my plans but at least I’m not short on ideas. I already have an outline for my next three chapters, so even if I don’t get anything done writing wise over the weekend (which is a very real possibility) at least I can console myself with the fact I’ve got something done. Besides the transitions story ended up running to 42 pages so I can’t complain, and it’s not even finished yet.