Last January I set myself the target of posting for every day of the Rückrunde, the second half of the Bundesliga season. Once I did so I thought I may as well try and go for the whole year which I did. I’m not going to make such grand plans right now. I’m not going to aim for the whole year again, I don’t want to think that far ahead. Right now it doesn’t seem like such a good idea to think that big. Plus I don’t want to curse anything. not Freiburg’s promotion chances and not Germany at the Euros in the summer. I will however make the same commitment as last January, a post for every day of the Rückrunde.
With there being no football on and not much on TV either I have plenty of free time, in theory anyway. Despite having so much free time I’m trying to take it easy. Which means attempting to be realistic about what I’m going to get done each day. Easier said than done, I always want to do everything and I never know where to start. So I’m only allowing myself to think about the next two things on the list as I work my way through it. Otherwise I’ll just end up beating myself up for not getting enough done.
This week is the first full week of the year. It didn’t get off to a great start which is entirely my own fault. I didn’t mean to stay up so late and it doesn’t matter that I think I had a good reason for doing so. The consequences are the same regardless of what my reason for doing so was. It’s definitely not a case of starting as you mean to continue. Don’t get enough sleep and pay the price. Which I certainly am, how terrible I feel right now and the argument I got into yesterday can be traced back to this. I knew I should have walked away, I could hear the little voice at the back of my mind telling me to and I still couldn’t do it. I should at least try to see the good side of the situation, at least I know I was in the wrong and understand why. It’s not one more thing for me to endlessly obsess over and try to make sense of, which is good because there is more than enough of those.
One of which is the end of the third series of The Bridge. I haven’t written my post covering the last two episodes yet because only today did I get round to watching again the last two episodes. I kept coming up with excuses and putting it off. Well today I ran out of excuses. I’m not happy with how it ended, not so much the case though that has it’s problems, it’s the resolution of Saga’s story which I’m having trouble making sense of. Problem is I’m having trouble putting it into words just why I don’t like it.
My immediate reaction is that I’m unhappy with her allowing Henrik to hug her. But beyond that I’m unsure why I’m not happy with it. The hugging thing is a bugbear of mine. It’s something I’ve seen before and I don’t like it. The way it’s used it completely misunderstands autism and the reason for why the people in question dislike hugs. Two other places it was used which bugged me was in episodes of Criminal Minds and Cold Case. In Criminal Minds the boy comforted his mother after his father was killed and his mother herself had been held hostage by the killer. My problem with it is that he’s never done it before, why would he do it then? It’s even more annoying because Joe Mantegna who plays Rossi has an autistic daughter. But not nearly as annoying as the episode of Cold Case which featured an autistic boy who witnessed his parents getting murdered. That episode has to be one of the worst representations of autism on TV ever. But I’m not going to list all the reasons it sucked here, I’ve done that before. What’s relevant here is towards the end of the episode he allowed Scotty to put a hand on his shoulder. It’s just not believable that a boy who didn’t even let his own family touch him would let some detective he just met a few days ago do so.
It’s such a neurotypical perspective of autism, making it all about feelings when it has nothing to do with it. Making it about their feelings when it has nothing to do with that either. A film I watched yesterday did this. It’s a film called After Thomas and it’s about an autistic boy whose life changes dramatically when he gets a dog. His parents through the dog have a way to connect with him, a way to reach him. Which is all well and good. He makes a lot of progress and they are able to teach him things they couldn’t before. What bothers me is how his mother is obsessed with hearing Kyle tell her that he loves her. Also what his father says, when they’re having an argument he tells her that Kyle has no concept of feelings, that he doesn’t know what love is and that he’s never going to love her. There’s a few things that make me angry about this, firstly how can he presume to know what’s going on in his son’s head. Secondly why do parents act like it’s their god given right for their children to express love for them in the way they expect, or at all. There are no guarantees, you don’t get to choose when it comes to having kids. There’s no guarantee you’ll have a kid who loves you or who chooses to express that love whether they are NT or not. I didn’t mean to rant about it but ended up doing so anyway. I guess that film really got to me, especially the part where his father says Kyle loves Thomas but not them, that all he cares about is his trains. Doesn’t he have that right? To feel about people however he wants to feel? The film ends with him telling his mother he loves her. As if that fixes everything. He’s still autistic, being able to tell someone he loves them doesn’t guarantee anything, like him being able to take of himself. I guess it’s just a topic that really gets to me at the moment, other people and their expectations.