Advent calendars first, musings after. Behind door number three of the Freiburg calendar was midfielder and free kick specialist Vincenzo Grifo. The DFB one served up Max Kruse’s card, and the Dortmund one a piece of chocolate wrapped in Gonzalo Castro. The last one is especially fitting seeing as last week he got his first goal in Dortmund colours.
At the beginning of the year I wrote a list of things I wanted to work on this year, things I wanted to have a better of understanding of. One of those things being the concept of social reciprocity. I think I’ve failed on this count. Understanding something in theory does not mean you can put it into practice, that much is obvious. Though it’s not completely useless, it is useful from a writing perspective. But it’s made social situations no less frustrating. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t follow the rules and just do what I think is right and it’s wrong. I try to follow their rules and it’s still wrong.
What’s the point in there being rules if people don’t stick to them? Why am I trying to learn them when other people just say to hell with them? I did what I was supposed to do, I sent my reply and then waited for theirs. None was forthcoming, no explanation either. Initially I reacted the way I always do, I got anxious and then angry. Angry at the situation but more than anything angry at myself for responding that way, for acting in such an illogical manner. After a while I let go of it, I told myself whatever happens happens. That you can’t change it and have to deal with whatever it is.
And then a while after I find that nothing is as I thought it was, a joker gets thrown into the mix. This is what I hate about other people, they never do what I expect them to. I hate that, the unpredictability.
Characters are so much easier to deal with, they only do and say what I need them to. And even if they do surprise me it’s ok because it’s in a controlled environment, I can deal with it. Not so much in real life. I don’t know what the solution is or if there is one. Maybe I just need to accept that there is always going to be some element of unpredictability. That they aren’t always going to be where you expect them to be.
I may not be able to make much sense of that situation but at least on a writing front things are going ok. I’ve gotten started on the first of my two Christmas stories, though annoyingly I seem to have started in the middle which has made things a little tricky but interesting. I love it when stories start that way, a random tangent which leads to more randomness and then you get the idea. I have no idea where it came from or why I was thinking about that particular topic but I suppose it doesn’t matter now. At any rate I’m glad to be writing something a little more lighthearted. Recently most of what I’ve been working on is a little depressing. I didn’t mean for it to be, it just ended up that way.