A new month and the beginning of a new collection. This time it’s the 2015/16 autograph cards for Freiburg. I’ve only gotten two to start with, but there’s no better place to start than with Alexander Schwolow and Nils Petersen. In the spirit of new beginnings I’m also about to embark on a new sticker collection. An album entitled FIFA 365: The Golden World of Football. An album which I’m happy to say has Manuel Neuer on the front cover.
One addition I won’t be adding to my collection is the new cards from the DFB and it’s not because I don’t know exactly what they are. Normally I would snap anything and everything DFB related up, no questions asked. Especially when they’re so fairly priced. The reason for my hesitation is that it’s the first set of cards without Hansi. Some things take a little longer to get used to. Obviously I’ll have to get over this in time for the sticker album for next summer’s tournament. I’m not getting to let my dislike of Schneider stand between me and a sticker album.
I did at least get to have my lazy day dedicated to doing nothing but playing Fallout New Vegas. And did it help, a lot. It helped to clear my mind somewhat and to give me some time to make some sense of some things. Though it was more helpful with some things than others. It was helpful with my story related problems, leaving it alone was a good thing to do. Now I’m certain it’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with it. It was just me obsessing too much. A bonus effect of taking a break was that I also came up with an idea for a new story, a Christmas themed adventure for Jogi, Hansi and Matze. A bit surprising given my dislike of Christmas and it’s no doubt a little early. But I guess even Christmas can be fun when my favourite Germans are involved.
It’s good timing to get everything straight schedule wise, for coming up next is another international break. Which is weird because the last one was only a month ago, it just feel strange when they’re so close together. You know you’ve had too many late nights when someone comments that it’s the first time in a while they’ve seen you in daylight.
Another advantage of actively trying to not stress out about things, like the fact that it’s difficult to focus on getting a lot of reading done right now, is that in being relaxed about it and not overthinking it, I actually found a book to read. I went with a familiar choice, something I’ve read several times. Thus I’m already familiar with the story and the characters and don’t have to worry about keeping track of it all. And it’s useful too, who better to help with my character profile of Matze than Spock, the proto-type Aspie if there ever was such a thing. It’s also good to read something that is completely unconnected to football, to think about something other than it, just for a while.
One thing however my two relaxed days did not help with is worrying about other people. I don’t think anything will fix that, well other than simply deciding not to talk to anyone else at all. Sometimes I have no idea what the best thing to do is. I don’t know if it’s them not being clear enough or me not getting it. I wrote about this exact scenario in a super Jogi chapter. About not getting what people mean, they apologise for not being clear enough with their choice of words and you say that they shouldn’t have to. Because they shouldn’t. They shouldn’t have to think about that, they shouldn’t have to worry that you’re going to freak out because they’re five minutes late to meet you. People shouldn’t be drawing straws because no-one wants to be the one to tell you that the plans for the day have changed.
Surely they’ll get sick of it eventually. Of having to do all that, of having to put up with someone who’s such hard work. It just seems so wrong, that they’re so patient with me and I’m so impatient with everything and everyone. Though at least I can’t be accused of holding other people to a higher standard than I expect myself to meet, I hold myself to an ever higher one. An unreachable level of perfection, as I’m constantly being told. Nor can I be accused of a lack of effort or not caring enough as far as friendships are concerned. I do care and I do try. I read about this stuff, about what to say, the right questions to ask. If only I could remember it when I actually need it. If only I could not go off on a tangent about whatever I’m currently obsessed with and completely forget everything I tried so hard to remember in the first place.
I know what people tell me, I know they say they find my randomness amusing and interesting. And that they admire my passion for certain subjects, for the way I completely devote myself to something. Even though they’re often baffled why a particular topic or person is the focus of my attention. I just can’t help but think there’s a point where they’ll no longer find such things amusing but rather irritating. I guess it partly comes down to me trusting them enough, that they really do mean what they say. I need to stop doing that, to stop second guessing people. I need to believe them when they say they’re not annoyed with me for having to explain something again or whatever it is I asked. Thing is, I probably didn’t annoy them with my initial request. It’s the repeated questions that mostly likely annoy them.