I Have Confidence in Me
Are you good at what you do? What would you like to be better at?
I don’t do anything exactly, not if the question is referring to your profession or something that you make money from. Nothing that I do at the moment makes me any money, what I do costs a lot of money and makes plenty of money for other people but makes me nothing.
The only thing I really do, other than exist that is (and given the frequency with which I question the point of my existence, I’m guessing I’m not very good at this), is collect things. The following are some of the things that I currently collect: football stickers, trading cards, autograph cards, German football shirts, German football programmes and tickets, Germany matches, Bundesliga, Pokal and Champions League matches, German stamps, books and pretty much anything related to Joachim Löw or Hansi Flick.
I also like to write as well, on here obviously, stories and more recently I’ve been trying my hand at poetry again. That happened by accident, talking about a song from the film Frank and I started to rewrite some of the lyrics to make them about Jogi and then a poem came out of that. I’m unsure of how good I am at any of it, but I like it and it can take up a decent amount of time, that’s enough right now for me.
I’m pretty good at collecting things, but then it’s not exactly something that requires a great deal of skill, what it does require a little bit of stupidity and a not inconsiderable amount of impulsiveness. Given how logical I am, any potential acquisition for my collection usually results in something of a battle between two sides of myself. And to use a quote I like or at least an approximation of it: 22 men, one ball and in the end the Germans always win.
That they do, it’s funny, people think of Germans as being super rational and logical, prudent decisions makers and in real life people mention such things when saying that they get why I like Germany so much. And yet when it comes to Germany and all things German related I can be decidedly illogical. It’s also funny that two of my favourite places are in the south west of Germany because people from that region are meant to be good with money, very careful in financial matters and good decision makers, so the opposite of me then.
This ties somewhat into what I want to be better at. Having some self control, being able to say no, not giving to every impulse. From the way I am about these things, one might conclude that I was a spoiled brat as a child and that’s why I can never say no to myself. Actually, crazy grandmother aside, the opposite was true. I grew up with very little money, not because my parents were especially poor, more because my father had more interest in spending money on himself than anyone else. I think if you grow up always wanting something but knowing you can’t have it, it may make you a little more reckless as an adult.
I could probably write a list of things I want to be better at, I’m not going to do that, it’s too depressing and my day is miserable enough with Freiburg losing today. If I were to pick one thing it would be knowing when people are joking or when someone is mocking you or making fun of you. After yesterday’s encounter that is top of my list.
One of my favourite things to do is sorting and organizing one of my various collections, for example I love nothing more than having a pile of stickers to sort through, to put in order and to list online for trading. I hope that when the time comes I can find a job where I can make use of such skills, it’s pretty much the only kind of job I can envision doing. I remember in real life telling someone that I loved what Lester had to do in The Wire, when he was sent to the pawn shop unit as a punishment, essentially his job consisted of listing items on an index card and then filing said card. The person I told this to wondered if I wouldn’t go mad from boredom in such a situation, obviously they underestimated two things, one how much joy I get from simple repetitive tasks and two, how much I can entertain myself with my own mind. I really don’t need the presence of other people to get through a day, as long as I have something to do and something interesting for my mind to focus on, I’m good. Where I would love to work more than anywhere is the German post office. I guess if that were to ever happen, it would be fantastic for my stamp collection.