If your furniture, appliances, and other inanimate objects at home had feelings and emotions, to which item would you owe the biggest apology?

There are so many items I feel deserve an apology it’s hard to pick one, my PS3 controller, my TV and the remote, my blu-ray remote and player, my keyboard and I’m sure there are more if I were to think about it. I probably also owe an apology to all of the unread books on my shelves, for buying them in the midst of an obsession and the forgetting about them and never reading them.

The PS3 controller, I’m sorry I spend so much time blaming my misfortunes on you, it’s probably not your fault when I concede a goal or get shot or otherwise meet an untimely end but you are the one who gets hit and thrown and cursed at. It’s a miracle you are still alive and proof to me that the PS3 is the more resilient console (I went through quite a few XBOX 360 controllers).

The TV, I’m sorry I make you work all night, not allowing you a break. Though in the interests of balance I have to point out I watch a lot less TV in the day time now, so it’s not really more work, just at a different time. Nevertheless I am sorry for that I don’t treat my remote better, that it gets met with the anger the PS3 controller does when something does not load fast enough.

The blu-ray player, I’m probably killing or overloading your little brain with the number of times I rewind and watch scenes over and over again. But I can’t help it, I love to do that.

The keyboard, it’s extremely important to me but from the way I treat it you wouldn’t know that. I spend so much time hitting it in frustration you would’t think I liked it at all.