Is there a period in your own personal life that you think of as the good old days? Tell us a story about those innocent and/or exciting times (or lack thereof).
The last years of primary school, everything was far from perfect then but there were many good things to balance that out. Plenty of football, bike riding, Play-station and video games of all kinds, Pokemon and Star Wars and my small but treasured book collection. And more importantly I had very little self awareness. I had no idea how different I was or why I didn’t fit in. It wasn’t until the very end of primary school that I started becoming aware of that stuff and not until the beginning of secondary school when I started to understand it all.
That is when I started to become truly miserable about my circumstances and when I started to not like myself very much. It had never been an issue before, I’d never given it a second thought. I’d never stopped to consider my own existence. That ignorance of everything, of my feelings and thoughts, of the world around me and of the notion that other people had their own thoughts, it was wonderful. Especially the last one, I sometimes drive myself crazy thinking about what goes on in other people’s heads, what they may be thinking and how they think.
Despite that fact that I hated school, at least the week had some kind of structure. The mornings before school would be spent getting as much GameBoy time as I could wrangle, and the same for every opportunity at school. The school day itself was usually spent counting down the minutes until I could get home, get out my bike and just ride for hours – freedom. And the weekends, glorious weekends, if I was lucky it would involve spending the time at my grandparents house which meant all the snacks you could want and Lego and unlimited video games. And more importantly to me, peace and quiet.
Since being done with school and then college (the change to the more flexible nature of college was difficult too) it’s not been easy to learn to live without that. Because I’m responsible for setting my own schedule now, I’ve become more rigid then ever before. Partly because there is nowhere I have to be, no-one to place any demands upon me.
And then an obsession was just an obsession, there was no quibbling over deeper meanings and why some things become obsessions and why others didn’t. I simply allowed myself to become completely immersed into them. Another good thing was that I either wasn’t lonely back then or I simply wasn’t aware of it. Either way it was great without that. I think that’s what I miss the most, an obsession that just was, no thinking involved. I miss Star Wars and Pokemon the most on that level.