Yesterday, your pet/baby/inanimate object could read your post. Today, they can write back (thanks for the suggestion, lifelessons!). Write a post from their point of view (or just pick any non-verbal creature/object).
Like there was any way I could resist that title. I don’t have anything as cool for the internet, doesn’t matter. That’s more than enough in terms of awesomeness.
What would the internet and Joachim write back?
I think the internet would write: “you can use me to read and learn about anything imaginable, please read about something other football statistics and films. I’m happy to help keep your mind occupied, just branch out a little more, there’s plenty to be learnt. On a more positive note, I’m glad you’ve stopped reading about the Nazis and the SS. I’m sick of people reading that stuff, you’d think there were no other bad guys in the world and that there was no other chapter in German history worth reading about.
As for Joachim Löw, I wish I could write this in German, as it stands at the moment my German is a little too basic to be able to do so. I have no idea what he would write. Other than maybe, “I’m glad you find me as interesting as my team to watch but please don’t put all those videos you’ve made of my mannerisms and other moments of strangeness on the internet. There’s enough of those already.”
This is what I would want him to write: “I promise never to cut my hair short again. I’ll bring back Hans-Dieter Flick and Jogi und Hansi will be once more. I have a way to convince Phillip Lahm to change his mind about retirement from the national team. And I’ll never pick Mario Gomez again. Once I’m done with die Mannschaft (hopefully not for quite some time) I’m going to take charge of Stuttgart once more, make them great again,transform them into Bayern slayers, win the Bundesliga and the Pokal. And bring Champions League football to Stuttgart.” – if we’re going into the realms of never going to happen stuff like Lahm coming back I may as well add something which is probably crazy.
I don’t know if would write this, but since we’re likely in the realms of make-believe with the Lahm and the Stuttgart thing, another out there thing won’t really matter. He may not write it and I wouldn’t want to read it, but I know a few people think I need someone to tell me this: “don’t use me or any other person who gets chosen as a special interest as an excuse not to be friends with someone. If you don’t want a relationship with someone, or indeed anyone, you should as Niki Lauda said in Rush “tell them the truth.” Don’t involve me in any falsehood and certainly don’t involve me in hurting someone else’s feelings.”